Posted on by Denise Hartzler · 1 Comment

A Letter to My Students

Dear Hartzler Students of 1605,

As the school doors opened for another year, you sadly discovered I did not return to room 1605. When summer began, we both believed I would be there upon our return. I know how excited you were to come back and see all the familiar touches that made our room special—the selfie wall, the “You Matter to Me” messages on the board, the standing table that served as both a workspace and “snack table,” and of course, the beloved green jar of mints that rarely went empty. Unfortunately, that is not how you returned, and I sincerely apologize for taking all that away from you without even saying goodbye.

This blog post is to connect with you so that I can try to explain.

Within one calendar year, I faced significant changes in my health and endured a lot of grief. I received phone calls in the middle of class about the death of my father, followed by the passing of my father-in-law, two great aunts, and a dear uncle who was like a father to me. Carrying all that grief is heavy, and it continues to get heavier when you have to put on a positive mask and a smile every day.

As you know, teachers, just like everyone else, experience grief and personal challenges every year. Some teachers can sweep it under the rug, while others cannot. It’s not a sign of weakness nor a sign of strength, but simply a choice. However, the expectation to remain cheerful and energized in the classroom can be incredibly taxing. When anyone suppresses genuine feelings to appear strong, it leads to emotional exhaustion. Plus, when you add in the demands of work both in school and outside of school, in addition to having your own family, the weight becomes too much to carry.

This facade often leads to burnout and mental health struggles. While I received support from my family, fellow teachers, and administrators, I had to step back and honestly examine what the weight of it all was doing to me, both physically and emotionally.

This past summer, during a sunrise stroll along the beach with my journal, I made a list of my priorities, and it looked something like this: 

  • Restore my physical health – as I cheerfully celebrated my 50th birthday with so many of you, my health requires immediate and constant attention. 
  • Realign my spiritual health with God,
  • Regain genuine happiness, 
  • Be present with my family. 

Then, three weeks before school started, more challenges came my way, along with a few exciting opportunities that offered me a chance to prioritize those priorities while reigniting a career I love—writing. 

With these new opportunities, I had to make the most difficult decision: not return to the classroom. Unfortunately, we all have to make such difficult decisions at some point in our lives, and it’s more complicated when it significantly impacts those around us and those we care about; however, making difficult decisions is a part of life.

As you continue this year without seeing me in the hallway or 1605, please know that I am doing well, and never forget that you hold a special place in my heart because You Will Always Matter to Me.

PS: If you see me having lunch with the English teachers, cheering on your rival school (my son’s school) at games, or attending theater events, please come and say “hi.” I truly miss you.

PPS: The mint jar is with a 10th-grade teacher, and he might share one with you if you ask politely. Just tell him I sent you ❤

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Cultivating Circles, Not Cages

According to my tagline, “Writing is a journey meant to be shared.” This tagline can be applied to all fields of creativity simply because creativity isn’t a solitary pursuit. Today, we are diving deep into how the company you keep can profoundly influence your ability to generate new ideas and realize your creative potential. As the saying goes, “If the people you surround yourself with aren’t inspiring you to create, you have a cage, not a circle.” This powerful insight emphasizes the importance of surrounding yourself with individuals who ignite your creativity rather than stifle it. 

The Power of a Creative Circle: Your circle should be a dynamic ecosystem where ideas flourish. Whether you’re an artist, entrepreneur, writer, or innovator, the people around you can be your most valuable asset. When surrounded by individuals who share your passion for creation, you’re more likely to push boundaries, explore new ideas, and pursue your creative vision with vigor.

Benefits of an Inspiring Circle:

  1. Mutual Motivation: An inspiring circle provides a constant source of motivation. When you see your peers achieving their goals, it fuels your desire to accomplish your own. It’s perfectly natural to feel a twinge of jealousy; it shows you what you want in life. Action step: Keep track of these feelings and use them to keep you pressing toward your goals.   
  2. Diverse Perspectives: A circle of creative individuals brings varied perspectives and skills. This diversity can lead to unexpected collaborations and breakthroughs. Make sure you are not staying just in your niche. Branching out and inviting people from other sectors like marketing, SEO, or finance can widen your network. Action step: Keep an updated contact list, and in the “notes” section of their contact, be sure to write down their specialty and ways you can learn from them.
  3. Supportive Feedback: Constructive criticism from trusted peers can be invaluable. It helps you refine your ideas and develop your craft. Targeted feedback fosters growth. Action step: highlight strengths and areas that need development. Connect with our contacts to see how they can help you continuously learn.

Seek a Mentor: Having a mentor can offer a deeper level of guidance. A mentor can provide invaluable insights, experiences, and advice to propel your creative journey. Here’s how to ask someone to be your mentor:

  1. Research and Identify: Look for individuals whose work and values align with your goals. Research their background and understand how their experiences can benefit you.
  2. Craft a Thoughtful Request: Reach out with an authentic and well-thought-out message. Please explain why you admire their work, how their guidance could benefit you, and what areas you need help with.
  3. Show Respect and Gratitude: Respect their time and express genuine appreciation for any guidance they offer. Their response might provide valuable insights or lead to other opportunities even if they decline.
  4. Be Specific: Instead of asking for a broad mentorship, request specific advice or feedback on a project. This shows that you’ve done your homework and value their time.

If you feel your circle is strong and diverse enough and you are well-respected in your field, consider being a mentor to someone beginning their journey.

Surround yourself with individuals who elevate your thinking, challenge your ideas, and support your growth. If you have the experience and passion to guide others, consider becoming a mentor yourself. Share your wisdom and help others navigate their creative paths ~ this is how we build circles, not cages. 

Up next: I’m off next week for some much needed rejuvenation now that the stress of the school year is over. I’ll be back shortly after July 4th.

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Rediscover, Reignite, Launch

Lately, I have been grief-stricken and am getting tired of feeling stuck in a rut. I long for a change and plan to reignite the fire within me. As I approach my 50th birthday, I keep reminding myself that it’s never too late to pursue my passions and embark on a new venture that lights up my soul. In this blog post, let’s explore how you can reignite your passion for whatever you choose and take the first steps toward starting a new chapter.

Step 1: Rediscover Your Passion

The first step in reigniting your passion is reconnecting with yourself and identifying what makes your heart sing. Take some time to reflect on your interests, hobbies, and dreams. What activities bring you joy and fulfillment? What topics or causes ignite a spark within you? If you don’t know, take one week and see what makes you jealous—looking at other’s success and feeling that pang of jealousy is a sign that you also want/care about it. You can lay the foundation for a new venture that aligns with your authentic self by rediscovering your passion.

Step 2: Set Clear Goals

Once you have identified your passion, it’s time to set clear and achievable goals for your new venture. Define what success looks like for you and outline the steps you must take to get there. It’s not going to happen overnight. Small and steady progress will get you there. Setting small, attainable goals will help you stay focused and motivated when it gets rough and keep you on track as you embark on this exciting journey.

Step 3: Embrace Fear and Take Action

Fear of the unknown or fear of failure can often hold us back from pursuing our passions. Remember, in a blog post last year, we defined fear as ‘False Evidence Appearing Real.’ So don’t let fear stop you! It’s important to acknowledge these fears but not let them dictate your actions. Embrace fear as a natural part of the process and take small, actionable steps towards your goals. Remember, growth and success often lie just beyond our comfort zones.

Step 4: Who’s at your table? Seek Support and Guidance

Embarking on a new venture can be daunting, but you don’t have to go it alone. Look at who is sitting at your table – some uninvited, negative guests must be escorted out the door. Your table should have people who support and guide you – mentors, coaches, or like-minded individuals who can offer valuable insights and encouragement along the way. The bottom line is to surround yourself with a supportive community that believes in your dreams and wants to see you succeed.

Step 5: Stay Persistent and Adapt

Building a new venture takes time, effort, and perseverance. Stay persistent in pursuing your goals, even when faced with challenges or setbacks. Be willing to adapt and pivot as needed, learning from your experiences and continuously improving your approach. Remember, every obstacle is an opportunity for growth and innovation.

Step 6: Take the Leap

Now is the time to take the leap and start turning your passion into a reality. Trust in yourself, believe in your vision, and take bold steps towards creating the life and business you desire. Embrace the journey ahead with an open heart and a positive mindset, knowing you can shape your destiny.

Ultimately, reigniting your passion and starting a new venture is a transformative journey that can lead to personal fulfillment, professional success, and a purposeful life. You can turn your dreams into reality by reconnecting with your passion, setting clear goals, embracing fear, seeking support, staying persistent, and taking the leap. Remember, the only limits that exist are the ones you place on yourself. So, reignite your passion and start your new venture today!

This episode is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions.

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Navigating Grief

Where have I been?

Since around Christmas time, I felt myself slipping into a deep rut of grief. As we rang in the New Year, my family suffered yet another loss – this time, it was my father-in-law. To say I was angry would be an understatement. I couldn’t take yet another loss of someone I truly loved and continued asking God, why? Why so many, so quickly? All these deaths were happening too fast. In the last year, I lost two Great Aunts who were a cornerstone in my childhood. Then, the unexpected loss of my father. Next was the loss of my father-in-law, whom I had known since I was 16. And of recent, my dear Uncle. Again, this is another family member who was the solid foundation of my childhood. With all these hits to my foundation, I feel the ground under me has turned to sand.

What makes navigating so much loss difficult is how life goes on.

Denise Hartzler

As a teacher, we have to play the part of positivity and strength. Teaching has been a mere distraction during this shift these last few months and has left me spent. I am slowly pulling myself out of the pit of exhaustion and sorrow. I have found comfort in reading the Bible every day, my husband (who is grieving too), our son’s hockey matches and lacrosse games, and surrounding myself with my mom and sisters, along with a few close friends. I have also turned back to therapy. Here is what I have covered with my therapist thus far…

Embracing Your Emotions

“When faced with grief, it’s important to allow yourself to feel and process your emotions,” said my therapist. I struggle to allow myself to feel emotions because processing emotions becomes difficult at work. The sadness, anger, guilt, or confusion hits you when you least expect it. It’s like a tidal wave of emotions, and you have two options: embrace it and let it pour out, or delay it by hiding it and letting it go later. The former is the ideal, but in reality, the latter wins out. My therapist has tried reassuring me that it’s okay to grieve in my way and at my own pace, yet finding peace has eluded me.

Finding Support and Connection

During grief, seeking support and connection with others who can offer comfort and understanding is essential. Reach out to friends, family members, or support groups who can provide a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on, and a sense of community during your darkest moments. Remember, you are not alone in your pain.

Seeking Spiritual Guidance

For many, including myself, finding solace in spiritual beliefs and practices can offer a sense of comfort and healing during times of grief. Turning to biblical verses on healing and ways to be comforted has provided strength and reassurance amid life’s challenges. I often remind myself of Psalm 34:18, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Practicing Self-Care

My therapist reminds me often that taking care of myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually is essential when navigating grief (as well as anxiety and depression). While she acknowledges that the following sounds cliche, she stresses its importance because we often lose sight of such healthy practices: 

  • Engage in activities that bring you joy and peace, such as journaling, long walks, prayer, exercise, or spending time in nature.
  • Nourish the physical body with healthy foods and make rest and relaxation a priority.
  • Be gentle with yourself as you move through the healing process (again, challenging for me).

Finding Meaning and Purpose

While this grief feels overwhelming and all-consuming, I am learning that it can also be a catalyst for personal growth and transformation. I find myself reflecting on the values instilled in me by each of my relatives and the legacy I wish to leave. I am hopeful that finding meaning and purpose in grief will result in the renewal of hope and resilience.

By embracing emotions, seeking support, finding comfort in spiritual guidance, practicing self-care, and finding meaning in pain, I can navigate through grief with grace. I must remember I am stronger with God, family, and friends.

“Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” ~ Isaiah 41:10

Personal note: I am forever thankful to my therapist at BetterHelp Online Counseling who has been guiding me through anxiety, panic attacks, depression, menopause, and now grief. The match of my values and needs with a licensed professional therapist was impeccable.

Legal: This article/blogpost is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional, diagnosis, or treatment. Readers/Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions.

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Happy Winter

Like many others, I like to reflect on the past year. Instead of making goals and resolutions, I list what I am carrying into the new year and what I am leaving behind. So, on this cold, rainy winter evening, it’s time for me to get cozy and make room for new possibilities. It’s a time to allow my spirit room to imagine, to believe that I can return to the calling placed on my life. It’s time to reset and rise early tomorrow morning for quiet prayer time prior to the busyness of teaching and life. Time to embrace these next two long winter months to layout my new year.

The one thing I will always carry with me into the new year is my writing. It is my calling, my purpose. It may take on many different forms: blogging, copywriting, teaching, short stories, novels, inspirational posts, and so much more. Regardless of what form my writing takes, it’s writing. It’s a passion I cannot live without.

Though this is just the beginning of what I carry forth, I know there will be more. I also know a few things I am leaving behind, but I am not ready to share them. So, I encourage you to take these cold winter months and reflect on what is serving you and what has served its purpose.

I wish you all a new year filled with warmth, love, and peace.

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Christmas Cocoa

Staying Healthy During Christmas: A Guide to Nourishing Your Body and Mind

Ah, Christmas! The season of joy, love, and… indulgence. It’s no secret that the holiday season often comes with a plethora of delicious treats and hearty meals that can easily derail our healthy eating habits. But fear not! With a little bit of planning and mindfulness, you can enjoy the festivities while still nourishing your body and setting yourself up for a healthy and refreshed start to the new year. 

In today’s blog post, I’m teaming up with one of the healthiest and most nutritiously disciplined people I know, my sister, Jill Dobrowansky. Jill has been a huge motivator and helps me with navigating the unfamiliar and often confusing world of nutrition. She is a master at reinventing family recipes and daily dishes with a healthy spin, which tastes the same. Most importantly, she is my oldest sister who is my biggest supporter of healthy living. Though this is a journey that I struggle with (hello carbs and chocolate addictions), I know I can always turn to her for advice and guidance. 

The Benefits of Healthy Eating – this is not a guilt trip, it’s a gift!

Before we dive into our guided interview, let’s take a moment to remind ourselves of the incredible benefits that healthy eating brings. Not only does it provide our bodies with the essential nutrients they need to function optimally, but it also boosts our energy levels, strengthens our immune system, and supports our mental well-being. By maintaining healthy eating habits during the holiday season, you’ll be giving yourself the gift of vitality and setting the stage for a successful year ahead.

Plan and Be Mindful

The key to staying on track with your healthy eating goals during Christmas is to plan and be mindful of your choices. Here are a few tips to help you navigate the holiday season with grace:

Set Realistic Expectations: It’s important to remember that Christmas is a time for celebration and enjoyment. Allow yourself to indulge in moderation without feeling guilty. Instead of striving for perfection, aim for balance and make conscious choices that align with your overall health goals.

Me: Jill, one small bite is usually my downfall. How can I avoid letting one small indulgence lead to full-on permission to consume said indulgence in mass quantities or daily? 

Jill: I love this question! Like you, I love small bites and ‘grazing’ too. This comes down to being in the moment and being cognizant of what you are eating. Our distractions (e.g., phones, conversations, streaming, etc.) keep us disconnected from what we are eating and how much we are eating. There are two things I like to do when I am eating at the holiday time:

  • Put my fork and or plate down in between bites. This gives your neurons time to process the signals they are getting from your stomach. The time in between each bite allows you to chew your food properly and to take a breath (or two). It also allows us to take a sip of water or beverage which also helps us digest our food and make us feel fuller sooner.
  • Give yourself grace. The holidays can be a busy time when we don’t even pay attention to what and how much we are eating. When we find that we might have overindulged, we need to reset the next day. Take some time in the morning to enjoy a mug of warm, lemon water, open your Bible, and show yourself the grace that Jesus gave us. Remind yourself that overindulgence does not define you, and every day is a new opportunity to start anew. 

Fill Up on Nutrient-Dense Foods: When attending holiday gatherings or hosting your own, make sure to include plenty of nutrient-dense foods on your menu. Load up on colorful fruits and vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains. These foods will not only provide you with essential vitamins and minerals but also help you feel satisfied and less likely to overindulge in less healthy options. 

Me: Each Christmas Eve we do a charcuterie board filled with dairy, meats, crackers, etc. How can we best weave in healthy grains and more veggies beyond olives? Can you share your recipe from last year? I think it was a hummus spread with pomegranates.

Jill: This is always a challenge! Each year, you request that I ‘bring the freshness’ to our Christmas Eve gathering. I always love this and look forward to making something new that everyone will enjoy. Truth be told, I think about this all year and what I can do to contribute to our typical charcuterie board with something everyone will enjoy and be surprised about. Last year, I tried a new recipe to sneak in some beans and it was a huge hit! Download the recipe card below!

Download Jill’s White Bean Christmas Crostini Recipe Below

Be Mindful of Portion Sizes: It’s easy to get carried away with large portions during festive meals. Practice mindful eating by paying attention to your body’s hunger and fullness cues. Take your time to savor each bite, and stop eating when you feel comfortably satisfied. Remember, you can always go back for seconds if you’re still hungry.

Me: I am terrible at portion control! I’ve tried smaller plates, and drinking water in between each bite, but portion control is hard! How can I best avoid letting my eyes set my portion? 

Jill:  This comes down to being in the moment and conscience of what you are doing. We have the tendency (guilty) to want to multitask when we are cooking, spending time with family, eating, etc. While we might be physically present in the moment, our brains are thinking about all the things we need and/or want to do. However, if we take the time to slow down and enjoy the moment, we are less likely to overindulge. Some ideas I keep in my back pocket for when I am feeling like I am letting my portions get out of control are: 

  • Conversation Starters (putting your plate down as you listen attentively)- ask the eldest family member to share one of their favorite Christmas memories; ask everyone to share their favorite Christmas tradition; ask everyone to share what they are thankful for this Christmas; share your fondest memory from the past year.
  • Leaving the Room – If you are not sitting down for a formal dinner, this strategy has helped me throughout the years. When I find myself consumed with the food in front of me, I will go into another room and remove myself from the temptation of eating everything in front of me. This allows me to take a couple of deep breaths, relax, and refocus my attention from the food to something else (typically the Christmas tree and all its ornaments or decorations). 
  • Step Outside – When we are visiting your house, I have the option to step out of the kitchen and onto the back deck. Similar to leaving the room, it allows me a moment to take a deep breath, get some fresh air, and reset my mindset to focus on the peace and joy of the season. Typically, I will look up to the sky, thank God for sending Jesus into the world on Christmas, and think about how the shepherds who were told about the birth of the Messiah looked up to the same sky. It won’t be a long time I am out there, only a few minutes, but it is enough to get crisp air into my lungs and take a moment for myself.  

Stay Hydrated: Amidst all the holiday cheer, don’t forget to stay hydrated. Drinking enough water throughout the day will not only keep you feeling refreshed but also help curb unnecessary snacking. Opt for water or herbal teas instead of sugary drinks or alcohol, which can add empty calories and dehydrate your body.

Me: I don’t necessarily struggle with water consumption, but I know a lot of people do. What are some ways to make water consumption more appetizing, especially if you are avoiding alcohol or sugary, fizzy drinks:

Jill: The holidays are a perfect time to spruce up your water! I love to add frozen cranberries as ice cubes to my water or fresh orange slices to bring a bit of festivity to my glass. Another thing I do is to have my water in a ‘fancy glass’. Whether that is a wine glass, champagne flute, or fine crystal, I will put my beverage in it. I especially love to pour a champagne flute of sparkling water or ginger ale, add some frozen cranberries or pomegranate seeds, and toast the night away! Another thing I do is to make sure I front-load my water earlier in the day. From the moment I wake up and throughout the day, I drink my water. This way, my body isn’t dehydrated from the start. I also make sure I have a large glass of water before I go to bed. Typically this is room-temperature water so it can aid in overnight digestion. 

Incorporate Physical Activity: Maintaining an active lifestyle is just as important during the holiday season. Find ways to incorporate physical activity into your daily routine, whether it’s going for a brisk walk, dancing to your favorite holiday tunes, or joining a virtual workout class. Not only will exercise help burn off those extra calories, but it will also boost your mood and reduce stress.

Me: I hate exercising. I love walking but that’s truly about it. I tend to see getting housework and yard work done as a form of exercise, but I know it’s not enough. And as an avid reader and writer, I do tend to sit for longer periods of time. What do you do when you don’t feel the motivation to work out? What do we do on these dark, cold, often rainy/dreary days? 

Jill: Lol…I am the opposite as I love to exercise. Like you, I do sit for long periods of time writing and reading but I use what I have dubbed the ‘book-end’ approach to exercising. In the mornings, I will go for a walk, run, or hit the gym for a quick strength-building session. Then, at the end of the day, typically before bed, I will take 15-20 minutes to stretch or complete a yoga series. This way I am starting my day with movement and ending it with movement. Another thing I do over the holiday season is adjust the length of my workouts. There is nothing wrong with only working in a 30-minute morning session instead of an hour or just finishing my day with a series of stretches before bed instead of a full yoga session. 

Another approach is to set your smartwatch, ring, or phone to remind you to stand up and move (and drink a glass of water) every hour on the hour. My smartwatch has a schedule I set to remind me to stand up, move, and drink 8 ounces of water every hour based on my non-sleep times. There are days when my movement is walking up and down the stairs in my house a couple of times, but every little thing counts! If you do not have a smartwatch or ring, there are free apps you can put on your phone that will give you reminders.

Seek Support and Accountability: Enlist the support of your loved ones in your quest for healthy eating during Christmas. Share your goals with them and ask for their understanding and encouragement. Consider finding an accountability partner who shares similar health aspirations, and together, you can navigate the holiday season with ease.

Me: I don’t have a question, but I want to thank you for always being my biggest supporter and champion for health. You have truly helped me and continue to help me as I go through menopause and approach 50 years old with adopting a healthy eating appreciation so that I can live long – big LOVE!

Jill: I am honored to be a part of your blog and journey! We are so blessed to be able to love and support each other through life, menopause and all. Merry Christmas!

Embrace the Joy of Healthy Eating

Remember, healthy eating doesn’t have to be a chore or a sacrifice. Embrace the joy of nourishing your body with wholesome foods that make you feel vibrant and alive. Use this holiday season as an opportunity to explore new recipes, experiment with seasonal produce, and discover the pleasure of mindful eating.

By keeping up your healthy eating habits during Christmas, you’ll not only enjoy the festivities guilt-free but also set yourself up for a healthy and refreshed start to the new year. So, go ahead and savor the flavors of the season while nourishing your body and mind. Cheers to a happy and healthy holiday season!

Need more recipe ideas or a reset for the new year? Visit Jill’s best-selling book: Faith and Fasting on Amazon Jill’s IG Page, The Plant Powered Pantry for that much-needed healthy motivation in your feed! 

Disclaimer: The information in this blog post should not be taken as medical advice. If you require a medical diagnosis or prescription, or if you are contemplating any major dietary change, please consult with a certified healthcare provider. You should always seek an expert opinion before making changes in your diet, supplement regime, or lifestyle.

Christmas-Crostini-Recipe-CardDownload
Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Finding Peace, Calmness, and Stillness at Christmas: A Path to Deepening Our Connection with God

Christmas is a special time of year for so many and for so many reasons. Though I’m slowly getting into the Christmas spirit, I have to admit, this year is a very slow start, almost like wading through the sludgy part of the ocean. I’m not good at putting on an act of pretending to be happy because I show my emotions ninety percent of the time. I am also transforming my scarcity mindset, so all the spending is putting me through a challenging test. And I miss my dad. My whole family is coming together to my house this year to be together and to be there for my mom. I’m truly excited to have her here for two weeks and watch her bake with my son and share stories – something we missed out on because of distance and my father’s last years battling health issues. So, yeah, it’s a slow start feeling joyful this Advent season, which is why I’m turning to my writing. Writing is my God-given purpose in life. This I know. Writing is also my way of processing emotions and thoughts in order to find peace, calmness, and stillness, especially at Christmastime. In this blog post, I am exploring five practical ways to find tranquility during the Christmas season while nurturing my spiritual journey.

  • Embrace the Simplicity: In a world driven by consumerism, it’s crucial to embrace simplicity during the Christmas season. Instead of getting caught up in the frenzy of materialistic desires, focus on the true meaning of Christmas. Take a step back, reflect on the birth of Jesus, and let go of the pressure to buy extravagant gifts or host lavish parties. By simplifying our celebrations, we create space for stillness and allow ourselves to be more present in the moment.
  • Practice Mindfulness: Amidst the chaos, practicing mindfulness can help us find peace and calmness. Mindfulness involves being fully present in the moment, observing our thoughts and emotions without judgment. Take a few moments each day to sit in silence, focusing on your breath and grounding yourself in the present. This practice not only helps to reduce stress but also opens up a channel for a deeper connection with God.
  • Engage in Spiritual Practices: Christmas is an ideal time to engage in spiritual practices that bring us closer to God. Whether it’s attending church services, taking part in prayer groups, or reading sacred texts, these practices provide a sense of peace and tranquility. Set aside dedicated time each day to connect with your spirituality, allowing yourself to be still and listen to the whispers of the divine.
  • Connect with Nature: Nature has a way of grounding us and reminding us of the beauty and serenity that exists beyond the chaos of our daily lives. Take a walk in the crisp winter air, marvel at the snow-covered landscapes, take an evening stroll admiring all the neighbor’s light displays, or simply sit in a park and observe the wonders of creation. Connecting with nature not only brings a sense of calmness, but it also helps us appreciate the magnificence of God’s creation.
  • Prioritize Self-Care: Purposefully taking time to nurture your physical, mental, and emotional well-being amidst the busyness of the holiday season is essential for our self-care. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as taking a warm bath, practicing yoga, or reading a book by the warm glow of your Christmas tree. By taking care of ourselves, we create a foundation of peace and stillness that allows us to be more receptive to God’s presence.

During the Christmas chaos, finding peace, calmness, and stillness is not only possible but essential for deepening our connection with God. By embracing simplicity, practicing mindfulness, engaging in spiritual practices, connecting with nature, and prioritizing self-care, we can carve out moments of tranquility and invite the divine into our lives. This Christmas, let us remember that the greatest gift we can give ourselves and others is the gift of inner peace and a closer relationship with God.

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Motivational Writing Tips: Part III

Welcome to the final post of our Motivational Writing tips – tips to restart your writing habits and keep you writing. The last two posts focused mindset shifts to help you renew or refocus your writing habits. So many life factors can interrupt a daily writing habit, and we must accept that this will happen to us occasionally; however, writers need to be conscious of how far we allow the disruption to steer us from our dreams and writing goals. If you are a writer experiencing a drift, take a moment right now and reflect on your productivity as an author and get ready to reestablish writing consistency. Once you have this honest chat about your writing habits, you will be more motivated to return to the page.

9. Stay Consistent: This is the biggest struggle for most writers, especially those with full-time jobs, little ones, driving teens, aging parents, or physical impediments. Life happens to us all, and that is when doing something consistently can either feel like a burden or provide a sanctuary. If there is one thing I have learned about and struggled with the most, it’s consistency. On days when energy is illusive, or everything keeps knocking on your door, I highly encourage you to find a few moments to sit down and write, even if it’s only a few sentences. These little actions send a big message to the universe that you are not giving up even on your most challenging days. I promise you that these consistent efforts will lead to significant progress over time.

10. Connect with a Community: Find your tribe! If groups of people aren’t your thing, find at least one person who writes. Surrounding yourself with like-minded people encourages you to show up for yourself and your writing regularly. Connecting and checking in with a group or a partner is accountability. Again, you are telling the universe that you are on this path and will find people to help you stay on the track. Strength in numbers, my friends! Don’t be afraid to share experiences, challenges, and successes with your tribe! The only thing I caution you about is online groups. Ensure you vet the online groups/communities before sharing your work. Sharing our work with others is frightening. Unfortunately, there are ill-willed people out there. Build the relationship first before sharing your work, but don’t let it stop you from finding your writing community. And if it genuinely frightens you, start a group where you make the rules of engagement. However you approach it, finding your writing people will help you reach your writing goals quicker. 

11. Focus on the Process: Though this sounds like one of those wood signs you find in Hobby Lobby, there is a lot of truth behind the process’s value. Shifting your focus solely from the result to the process itself is where we get better. It’s that space where we can celebrate the little wins and big wins. Imagine only celebrating the 70,000th word? While reaching the end of your novel is worth celebrating, other milestones deserve a celebration to keep you going! Why not reward yourself for completing chapter one or when you solve a hole in the plot? Engaging deeply in writing and exploring characters and worlds can be intrinsically rewarding. Rewards do not need to be costly objects; while they can be, they can also be something as simple as a new sticker for your laptop, an extra 20 minutes on social media, a nap, an adult beverage, or a cupcake. However you choose to celebrate, set up your milestones. With each milestone you pass, you become a stronger writer.  

12. Reflect on Achievements: I highly encourage authors to journal their achievements, no matter how small. When feeling discouraged, you can reflect on these accomplishments to remind yourself how far you have come. Teachers often have a small box or envelope filled with notes and pictures of appreciation. These notes help them during their most challenging time. Writers, too, should have moments to sit back and reflect on the challenges they overcame and milestones they surpassed. Saving rejection letters is a big thing among authors. It becomes their drive and reminder to keep going, to prove them wrong. Always create space in your calendar to reflect on all you have gained. 

Every writer is unique, so you must tailor any advice you receive to serve your purpose. By providing practical tips and fostering a positive mindset, I am empowering you, struggling authors, to overcome obstacles and thrive in your writing endeavors.

We are a community here, and I’d love to hear how you get back on course when life gets in your way and writing takes a backseat. Leave a comment below. 

Posted on by Denise Hartzler · 1 Comment

Motivational Writing Tips: Part II

In last week’s post, we discussed getting into a motivational mindset for any writer struggling or needing a reset. Now is the perfect time to shift your mindset from struggling to striving because the seasons are about to change, and NaNoWriMo preparation month is only a few weeks away! 

This week, let’s focus on the next four steps in our 12 steps of cultivating a positive writer’s mindset. Here we go:

4. Morning Routine: You will hear this in every motivational mindset training known to humankind. Ask any successful person, and they will tell you that they have a non-negotiable morning routine – it is a routine that they rarely skip out on and never apologize for having. This routine travels with them as well. Hotels. Family vacations. Bad weather. Good weather. There are no excuses for skipping out on their morning routine. Starting your day with prayers, positive affirmations, exercise, journaling, or watching the sun rise has endless benefits on your mindset. It sets a positive tone for the day. It may feel like the only positive thing that happens on some days! It may be the only task you accomplish on some days. But again, it sets the tone for the day. Make your morning routine positive and non-negotiable. If you don’t feel like getting out of bed, do the Mel Robbins 5-4-3-2-1 countdown. Remember your ‘why’ ~ remind yourself why you are getting out of bed.

5. Visualize Success: I am new to practicing visualizing (or manifesting). It follows the general law of attraction. If you can see it, you can be it. I encourage you to visualize your writing success. Imagine the accomplishment and joy you’ll feel when you complete your writing project. Several authors I know take pictures of themselves sitting on a mini-stage in Barnes and Noble. They imagine what it will be like when they are a guest speaker reading from their novel. Once you have your success image, have faith that God (or whatever higher power you believe in) will make it bigger than you can imagine. I often talk about ways to serve others with or without commercial success. After all, helping someone who is facing a struggle or is just beginning something you have been working on for years is what we need in this world, especially now more than ever.

6. Practice Self-Compassion: Writing can be challenging, and setbacks are a normal part of the process. I encourage you to practice self-compassion and treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer to a friend. I listened to a conversation with Matthew McConaughey last week in which he talks about how to be the best version of ourselves to serve others. The biggest takeaway was when he said, “We must learn how to be selfish to be selfless.” It was a simple statement, but it is heavily weighted in truth. To be the best versions of ourselves, we must take care of ourselves first, and then we can help others. We can serve other’s needs because most of ours have been met. Think about what needs you have right now. For me, my physical health needs attention. I need to overhaul how I eat for my body to feel well. So, I have to comfort myself by giving it organic foods that will fuel me rather than the inflammation. All summer, I’ve been practicing mindfulness. I’m taking time to pray and journal at sunrise. This small 30-minute practice gives my anxious brain time to be calm. It gives me time to breathe in peace. Another trick by Mel Robbins is the High-5 habit. Every morning, she looks herself in the eye in the bathroom mirror and gives herself a high-5 – physically touching her hand to the mirror. Giving yourself this type of encouragement is a form of self-compassion. It feels awkward at first, but it can be powerful.

7. Find Inspiration: If you are stuck in a writing rut, I want to help you discover sources of inspiration. Whether reading other authors’ work, exploring new genres, or taking nature walks, finding what fuels your creativity can make the writing journey more enjoyable. If you are tired of walking in nature or around your neighborhood, go to a coffee shop in a nearby metropolitan area and people-watch. Immerse yourself in a new environment. Take a journal with you to capture the moment using all five senses. And vice-versa. If you live in a city, go to a nearby park. Taking an informational course can be inspirational to your writing. Seek out free online seminars about topics you always wanted to learn about. I have a very active public library that always hosts hands-on workshops or lectures, and it’s all free. One day, I found an old church and asked if I could sit in the chapel. I sat there for nearly an hour, taking in the stained glass windows, listening to the pew creaking under my shifting weight, and noticing the smell of frankincense and lemon polish. If there’s one thing I am sure about, it’s that to find inspiration, we must unplug. Unplug from the phones and the noise of the world (even if it’s positive). Start by taking a few minutes and then a few hours, eventually taking breaks for an entire day. It will feel good, I promise. You might have some anxiety initially, but the more you ditch the noise, the calmer you will feel.

This mini-series aims to bring you closer to your writing dreams and help you breathe new life into your writing life. Making subtle shifts can have profound effects on your life. Come back next week for the final four tips! 

I’d love to hear if any of these tips resonate with you and if you have tried them or plan to give them a shot! Remember, writing is a journey worth sharing.

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Motivational Writing Tips

Helping struggling authors find motivation and develop a positive mindset is incredibly valuable in my calling. Writing can be a challenging journey, and it’s a journey that is worth taking. Having the right attitude will significantly affect one’s productivity and overall satisfaction with the writing process. 

In the first part of this three-part series, I will guide you through the first four of twelve tips to help you get in the right mindset to reignite your passion for writing. After all, winter is (eventually) coming, and as the kiddos return to school, it’s an excellent time to make sure you find a routine and get in a positive mindset to do what you do best: write. 

  1. Set Clear Goals: I encourage you to set clear and achievable writing goals. Specific targets, such as a certain number of words, pages, or time, can give writers a sense of purpose and accomplishment. I personally set a word count goal. Since I am limited by time, my word count and page count can vary daily. 
  2. Celebrate Writing Wins: Allow yourself to celebrate even small victories. Completing a chapter, hitting a word count milestone, or receiving positive feedback from beta readers can all be reasons to celebrate. Don’t underestimate progress – progress over perfection. 
  3. Embrace Imperfection: Perfectionism is a creativity killer; it is nothing more than fear masking itself. I encourage you to embrace imperfections and view writing as a process of growth rather than striving for flawlessness. As we make strides toward our goals, fear may arise. Fear of being an imposter, flawed, or writing something unworthy of reading. DO NOT let fear stop you. If you missed my Summer of Love series, read what I wrote about the acronym FEAR – false evidence appearing real. Don’t listen to your fears when writing. Every writer writes a shitty first draft, and there is no exception to this fact, so embrace the imperfection. 
  4. Create a Supportive Environment: Create a comfortable and inspiring writing space. Surrounding yourself with things that spark creativity and positivity can significantly change your mindset. Your writing space can be a small room or just a comfy corner in a quiet room. Every writer deserves to find a comfortable space where they can create. If you can avoid distractions, even better. If not, grab yourself some noise-canceling headphones. When I am not in my creative space, I have a shawl or a specific hoodie that I often wrap myself up in, thus creating my supportive, creative environment. 

In next week’s post, I’ll discuss four more motivational writing tips to help you develop a positive writing mindset. 

As always, let’s continue the conversation. Leave a comment, question, or a positive quote that will inspire this community of writers.

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Overcome one…overcome many

This summer, I was determined to overcome one fear. Though it may not seem like a huge goal, it was necessary to me and my anxious brain. In my Summer of Love series, I explored moving from a scarcity mindset to one of abundance. While this mindset shift remains a work in progress, overcoming this one fear was achievable, and I could obtain it rather quickly. 

About three years ago, I attempted to climb to the highest point in the Smoky Mountains. I let my fear get the best of me and missed spectacular views. As we planned to return this year, I couldn’t let this opportunity pass me again. I enlisted the help of my fearless son and told him under no circumstances was he to allow me to back down. One way or another, I was getting to the top of Clingman’s Dome. 

With each passing day, I grew more and more excited. When we reached the base of the ramp to get up to the observation deck, we began the climb. With my son in front of me leading my path, my hand gripped tightly to one of the straps on his camera bag. I kept my eyes fixed on the pavement under my feet. Once I got up to the observation deck, I let go of my son and sat on the bench in the middle. The crowded deck contained brave people who took the nervous journey as I did and others who didn’t possess an ounce of fear. 

I soaked in the sights of the clear sunny summer day. I eventually stood up, grabbed the handlebar, and looked as far as I could to the east and west. I strolled around, bringing myself closer and closer to the edge. I found my husband sitting down below. He was gracious enough to take this picture. Sitting there, he thought, “If she can do it, I can do it too.” Within a few minutes, he was by my side, and we basked in the sights of the Great Smoky Mountains together. We celebrated each other’s success in overcoming this fear. 

This picture is the one I want forever framed in my brain and tattooed on my heart. This is the day I rewired the neuropathways of anxiety to achievement. I am so excited about what fear I will overcome next. 

Take small steps each day. Living with anxiety is not easy; if you find anxiety is prevailing, seek help. There are so many free resources out there offering you ways to heal. Here are a few that I have used: 

As always, talking about anxiety and fear is essential. Let’s keep the conversation going. Have you been able to overcome a fear? If so, what steps did you take to do so, and have you used it as a catalyst to overcome others? Please drop a comment below or visit me on my Instagram page to comment. 

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

A father’s love is forever

Three months ago, I lost my father. This three-month mark is hitting hard for some reason. I don’t overthink it and ask why. I sit with the loss. I cry when I need to release my emotions. I journal about all the memories that flood my mind. I also journal about conflicted feelings of wasted time by not asking him more about his life. I talk with my father in the quiet moments of the day, telling him how much I miss him. I know he is in heaven watching over us and has us covered in his love, but I miss him a lot. I’m sharing the eulogy I wrote for my father to remind myself that his life was complete, even if I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. 

They say that a man occupies his daughter’s life up until the day she is married. While there is some truth to that statement, luckily for my sisters and me and along with our families, our dad didn’t nearly occupy a space in our lives; his presence and all that he taught us in life is forever woven into who we are and thus handed down into who our children are becoming. 

When someone you love so dearly passes, your memories are scattered as if you dropped a jar of sand, and the granules spread far and wide. Some memories are more easily grasped, while some require more precision to hold on to. Some are only seen when the light makes them sparkle. And then some memories are sprinkled into your hands by others sharing in the pain of loss. 

Everyone here has memories of my dad, and I am thankful for those who shared them with me. If I made a list of all the memories, we’d be here for quite some time, so I’ll share this…my dad was a good man. He never judged any one of his kids’ mistakes. He was firm, lovable, competitive, and protective. His love was unconditional, and I am forever grateful to have been in his life. 

I’m not sure what he would want me to share with you, and while I can share a lifetime of the sweetest memories I have of him, I’ll start with the “infamous” bowling bet we made. I was around eight years old, and he told me that if I bowled a high score and won my tournament, he’d buy me a new ball. Well, that day, not only did I win, but I also bowled a 178. It was a maroon sparkle ball with Denise engraved in gold, and it was all my own – I finally had something that wasn’t a hand-me-down!

Another memory was that of my wedding day and dance. He was proud that I was marrying Chris, but he also reassured me that he would be there should I have any doubts about going through with the wedding. He also reminded Chris at the altar that he knew “where he lived.” Later that evening, the lyrics to a Billy Joel song led our steps. Who could ever imagine words being a perfect fit for two ordinary people, “Don’t go changing to try and please me, You never let me down before, I would not leave you in times of trouble, I said, “I love you,” that’s forever, I love you just the way you are.” And it’s those lyrics that have a more significant meaning than ever before.

Then came the memories of my son with my dad. One such visit was when my dad lifted Ryan to touch a plane in the Air and Space Museum. Luckily it didn’t get us kicked out, but Ryan, I want you to know that your grandfather will always lift you up when you need it most. 

We knew his passing would come, but we could never have imagined how deep this loss feels. The weekend before his passing, the five of us were on Skype. I’ve found some small comfort in telling myself that maybe having us all together, even if it was online, made him realize that his life was complete. On the day we said our final goodbye, my mom and her girls gathered together again, just like we did over 40 years ago on the day they married. Even though it’s been 43 years, being together like that once again made me feel like that small, vulnerable little girl who was forever changed and forever proud to be a Kinney girl. 

I hope you are playing piano and chess.

You will never be forgotten.

Thank you for loving us. 

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Finale

As my Summer of Love series ends, I want to wrap things up as best as possible. Here is a high-level view of what I have learned along the way to changing my mindset:

  1. Stop waiting for an outside wish/miracle to change your mind: you need to eliminate the chaos in your mind. You must identify and bravely face the root of your mindset. Be honest! It’s scary to admit where we are lacking or going wrong; however, you must be brave and take on this challenge to heal.
  2. Stop believing you cannot control your thoughts. Do not let some external factor choose your thoughts. Social media. Family. Friends. News outlets. You have complete control. 
  3. Strengthen your mindset. This goes hand in hand with the previous point. What you feed your mindset with is essential. The only way to change your default and automatic thinking is by filling it with God’s truth, abundance, and positivity. 
  4. Separate what you believe from what you feel. Because emotions result from what we believe to be true, we must regularly remind ourselves of positive beliefs. Separating beliefs from emotions will help us eliminate the negative feelings that shape our mindsets. 
  5. W.A.I.T.: When you are pulled into conversations or find your ruminating thoughts defaulting to what you are trying to change, remember to “W.A.I.T.” Stop yourself from talking or thinking negatively and say to yourself, “Why am I talking?” When we pause, we allow our brains to quiet down, making room for creative solutions to problems or for positive and abundant thoughts. Resist those negative thoughts and assist positive ones. 
  6. Celebrate the small wins. Be thankful for the journey you are taking. There will be setbacks, but make them a momentary trip up. One way to celebrate the small wins is through love. Do not judge or attack ourselves or others. These small judgments are nothing more than powerful negative thoughts. When these judgments or negative thoughts come, offer forgiveness for having the thought and consciously say, “I choose love instead.” God made us in His image, and He is love. 
  7. Expect miracles. Choose to expect that something good is going to happen. It’s an act of faith. Do not let your imagination create a false narrative. Instead of constantly imagining or expecting things to go wrong or to be the worst, lean into God’s promises and have faith that something good is coming your way. Having positive thoughts at the forefront of your brain takes practice, but eventually, you will be filled with love, community, and grace. 

Here are a few verses to lean into on your mindset journey: 

Romans 15:13, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”

Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” 

2 Thessalonians 3:5, “May the Lord lead your hearts into a full understanding and expression of the love of God and the patient endurance that comes from Christ.”

2 Peter 1:2, “Grace and peace be yours in abundance.”

Thank you for joining me on this journey. I hope you took away some seeds of love from this series. Let’s connect through comments and support each other to grow in love. 

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Day 25

As we are nearing the end of the Summer of Love series, it is important to understand that when we cast judgments on ourselves or others, we remove our ability for love. Healing happens in a community, not in isolation. Yes, it’s important to be alone with your thoughts, and it’s important to quiet the chaos of our minds, but the company we keep is equally important. Suppose you are in a group that always focuses on the negative or, as in my case, shares in my lack/scarcity mentality. If I am constantly in that company, I block any chance of abundance and any possibility of a mindset shift because my conversations are feeding/fueling the scarcity/negativity. 

What is the best way to step back and not allow those unwanted thoughts or statements to dominate the forefront of our minds (aka our automatic response)? Use the W.A.I.T. method:

  • W – Why
  • A – am
  • I – I
  • T – talking? 

I first learned this method from Gabby Bernstein. Talking about your lack/scarcity fuels it, so use the “Why am I talking” prompt to stop you from feeding that lack mentality. When you stop talking, you allow creative solutions to come into play. You give abundance a chance to work its way into your life. 

This subtle shift reminds me that God did not give me a lack/scarcity mentality. It also serves as a reminder that the company we keep is important. In reality, we cannot always be around positive people, especially if the negative ones are family. So how does one go about creating a protective barrier around their mindset? We learn to tune out and replace and remember to W.A.I.T.  

I learned to tune things out as a mother. Most mothers will agree that there are moments when you are driving alone before you realize you are listening to your kid’s music rather than what you want. This is because we trained our minds to tune it out, especially when it’s on an endless repeat cycle the moment your car starts. Therefore, we must learn to tune out and replace the negative/scarcity mindset with positive, loving, and abundant thoughts. Have scripture or affirmations on repeat. Autoplaying God’s promises and your new narrative will tune out the negativity. So you can now become the calm body at the table who radiates peace and love. Eventually, the rewiring takes place and becomes the automatic response. 

I know we can do this! It will take lots of practice, but positivity and abundance will come.  

I will leave you with my most recent prayer: Dear God, I am aware of my financial scarcity mindset, and I confess this fear’s stronghold on my life. I’m willing to release it to you. Thank you for your guidance. You did not give me a spirit of fear. Heal me from this sabotage, awaken the love within me, and give me a spirit of abundance so that I may use my talents to help others and serve you. Amen.  

Give W.A.I.T. a shot, and let me know how it worked. 

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Day 15

I quickly learned I needed more self-care as I wrapped up week two of my Summer of Love Series. Taking a hard look at my self-attacks is powerful, and all these emotional surrenders leave me vulnerable and emotionally drained, so tenderness is in order. This deep dive into myself, my actions, my choices, and my self-limiting beliefs require bravery. But sometimes bravery will leave you wanting nothing more than to curl up in a fetal position, cry, sleep, and turn off all the noise. While some of those actions, particularly turning off the noise and sleeping, are options, I want to replenish my spirit with intentional affirmations. 

Affirmation #1: I choose to love myself today. Choosing love over fear is 100% optional. What we say to ourselves unconsciously becomes what we consciously believe about ourselves. I have shrunken myself down for a decade, but now I choose to live in love. 

Affirmation #2: I will give myself a peaceful and consistent reminder that love and gratitude are within me. I have complete, unobstructed access to gratitude. I am grateful for my willingness to change my mindset. 

Affirmation #3: I am grateful to be in this process. As I rest in this mindset of love and gratitude, I will go slow and intentional in the fast-paced world around me. 

As I’ve been journaling and blogging my way through this series, I was compelled to share the following entry with you: I believe I am love. Everything in me and outside of me is love. I believe this, and I commit to this – I am love. 

Along the lines of breathing love back into my mindset, here are a few bible verses that have been showing up lately:

  • “Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” Corinthians 13:7
  • “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7
  • “Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” Colossians 3: 13

I will be back in another 5 days as I move deeper into love, gratitude, and forgiveness.

Thank you for being on this journey with me.

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Day 10

I am moving into week two of shifting my mindset and opening myself up to self-love. Opening up to self-love is not the same as becoming a narcissist. It’s simply opening up to self-forgiveness and letting go of the person I once was ~ a person full of fear and smallness.

If we want to become a more positive energy in this world, we must ditch self-defeating talk and thought patterns. A lack of self-love led me to isolate my God-given gift of writing from the world. It has made me a people pleaser, always caring for others while putting myself and my time at the bottom. Doing this for several years made me resentful. It exhausted me. It’s distracted me from my true calling in life. It made me small. So small that I could never believe that I deserved to dream big or feel I was worthy of big blessings in life ~ it was just a new form of that scarcity mindset. And now that I am facing turning 50, it’s time to reverse this trend. It’s time to learn to love myself as God has designed me.

To start reversing the adverse effects, I must take the next few days and begin the deep dive (again) into how this smallness has made me bypass opportunities, how this smallness has made me afraid to take risks, and how I allowed the scarcity mindset to keep me in this endless loop of stagnation.

I will specifically journal the following prompts while keeping in mind what the bible says about forgiveness: 

  • Where have I been limiting myself?  
  • What have I asked for and received? 
  • What have I received and squandered away?
  • What doors have I consciously shut? 
  • What opportunities have been presented to me that I wasn’t qualified, talented, or intelligent enough for? 
  • Am I willing to take responsibility for this scarcity mindset? 
  • Am I willing to take responsibility and ask God for forgiveness? 

Forgiveness restores broken relationships (Genesis 50:17). 

Forgiveness is a path to love (Luke 7:47). 

Forgiveness precedes healing (Luke 5:17-26). 

God tells us to forgive instead of seeking revenge or bearing a grudge (Leviticus 19:18).

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Days 6-9

I took a break from daily blogging to be present with family during my father’s internment at the Veteran’s Memorial Cemetery. The service was deeply emotional, from the music, the flag presentation to my mom, and the eulogies my sisters and I gave – a lot of emotion that day. 

For the first time in my life, I was unafraid to speak in front of people. There was a lot of family there but also multiple unfamiliar faces. My emotions were running high from the service, which made speaking feel next to impossible. My hands were shaking from holding the paper of my written narrative. Everyone was patient. Everyone understood that I had to pause numerous times to catch my breath, but I pushed through. The pain and sorrow mauled my words and chopped up my sentences, but if anything, I showed my authentic self in a vulnerable space. To me, that takes great courage. 

I wish anyone facing a hard time and showing up with their true vulnerable self on display to understand that we honor you for not hiding your emotions. Too often, we wear masks to hide the ugliness of perceived notions that crying or depression, or anxiety are traits of weakness—quite the opposite. Showing up despite the emotions that can pin you in bed or leave your feet firmly planted where you stand is a testament to your strength. Show up. Show up vulnerable. Show up maskless. We all need your bravery. 

In keeping with this series of overcoming my anxieties and shifting my mindset, there wasn’t a scarcity mindset to be found these last few days. All the love, the hugs, the words of comfort, and the reminder that that’s what family is for were abundant. An abundance of love surrounded me. 

My father’s eulogy will be posted on my social media pages in the upcoming days if you wish to read it. 

Choose love today! 

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Day 5

When fear drives your mindset, you fear upsetting those you love. You worry they will be angry, leave you, or think less of you. When you think about it, this is an unfair punishment. After all, if I can give others multiple opportunities to make right a wrong, why don’t I do that for myself? It’s hypocritical in that sense.

I’m also learning that not forgiving myself is at the root of that scarcity mindset because I tell myself that I am not worthy of forgiveness. I am not worthy of being afforded the chance to make up for a mistake. I am not good enough for someone to love me because of my mistakes. I have woven this scarcity mindset so deep into who I am; I have no one to blame but myself.

If I have no one to blame but myself, I am the only one that can forgive me. Therefore, for the next few days of this Summer of Love series, I am entering into a state of forgiving myself. I forgive myself for the scarcity mindset and for making myself small.

“…be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32).

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Day 4

My morning mindset: I begin my day with gratitude and release all fears of scarcity and stagnant energy. Focusing on gratitude is reconnecting me to love. God did not make me fearful. God made me in His image, and His image is love. 

As I continue being honest about my fears, I am taking each day to look for growth opportunities. After all, fear is an opportunity for growth. 

Making a generalized list of people and things I am grateful for has always felt incomplete, which could be one of the reasons why I stopped making lists; however, if you are a quick list person – great! It is a great daily habit if you only take a few minutes and list your x-amount of things/people you are thankful for, but right now, I am going deeper to rewire and rewrite my narrative. 

I used to be that positive person, the one who would always chime in with a positive outlook ~ that was me, and I was proud to be that person. I miss that version of me. When did I become pessimistic? I think it started with some undiagnosed depression and hormonal imbalances. I also remember many years passing by when I lacked purpose. I felt exhausted, always being “positive” or “cheerful,” and making a daily gratitude list was hard in those days. I eventually gave in to that defeat and stopped. 

Fast forward to today, this is what my list is shaping up to look like, and it’s working for me. It’s giving me that deep meaning that I’ve been craving: 

Fear: I am fearful that I will not be able to make it through my father’s eulogy without sobbing. 

Gratitude Response: I am honored to speak of my father’s love and legacy. My family loves me, and they, too, are grieving. Crying is a form of healing. 

Fear: I am not healthy. 

Gratitude Response: While I have work to do, I am grateful to have access to healthy foods and safe exercise trails. Restoring my health will take time and discipline ~ have patience. 

Fear: Money is scarce, and I do not handle it well/smartly. I was never good at math and did not understand investing. 

Gratitude Response: I haven’t always been great with money, but now I am learning about investments and working on disciplined spending. 

I feel more authentic making a list this way. I feel a little closer to my old pleasant self. Yes, I am only four into this 30-day journey, but each day is a new opportunity to grow in love. Try this method if making a quick bulleted list makes you feel less than complete. 

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Day 3

When I was a child, I used to think that when people argued in a restaurant, I would see a table flipped over with scattered food and drinks. It would be exciting. Not so exciting for those who would be left to clean up the mess, but it’s got me thinking about how dramatically the story changed once someone flipped that table. 

Similarly, I am flipping my fears to change my story dramatically. While in this process of inverting my mindset, I am going through a wide range of emotions. I have to constantly remind myself that I am not to confuse excitement with fear. My mind automatically defaults to fear, just like specific physical symptoms invoke anxiety and panic in me. It has taken me months of work to rewire my brain to know that those symptoms are nothing more than pent-up energy that needs to be released. 

In the same process, I am rewiring my brain and rewriting my narrative that when I have thoughts of scarcity, I will replace them with thoughts of abundance and love. 

I am also weaving gratitude into my abundance practice. I’ve kept journals of gratitude before, but they were on the surface level. I never entirely went deep for gratitude. So my list looked like this: I am grateful for waking up, my family, the person who helped me at school, my home, my parents, etc. Now that I am beginning to trust that gratitude is more substantial than fear, my list is changing.  

What I am grateful for this morning: 

I am grateful that the sunrise wakes me up warmly, softly, rather than a panic-inducing alarm.

I am grateful to have clean air to fill my lungs when breathing deeply.

I am grateful to be surrounded by my family’s love while writing my Father’s eulogy. 

I am grateful to have access to God’s word and presence daily. 

Today’s prayer: God, I release my scarcity mindset and anxious energy and replace it with love and gratitude for all the blessings you have given me. 

“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we eat? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and he will give you everything you need. So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” (Matthew 6: 31-24).

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Day 2

Day 1 of Summer Love was a hard dose of reality. Sharing my narrative of my fears made me feel vulnerable, but I know there is growth ahead. In these vulnerable moments, we must remind ourselves that we are still in control and have choices to make. Do I stay safe, which is essentially the same as staying unchanged? Or do I take steps to create a shift, even without knowing the result?

“You have made a path wide for my feet to keep them from slipping.” (Psalms 18:36 NLT)

So for today’s first step, I am reminding myself that I am willing to see love instead of fear. In my case, fear is scarcity. Therefore, I am willing to see love instead of scarcity. Let me rephrase that a bit further. I am willing to acknowledge the abundance around me instead of looking around me and only seeing scarcity.

Three statements I am reminding myself of on this day: 

  • I have an abundance of time while on summer break to write, walk, and restore my health.
  • I have family around me as I give my father’s eulogy later this week.
  • There’s an abundant amount of fresh veggies and fruit during this season which reminds me to eat healthy. 

As I allow myself to breathe into these statements and this mindset, I am beginning to feel peace.

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Day 1

Welcome to my Summer of Love short blog series, where I will uncover my fears and begin the transformation process of choosing love over fear. This is not a series on overcoming fears of roller coasters, swimming in the ocean, etc. though if that happens – yay! It’s more of a spiritual transformation that will require being in the presence of God, prayer and meditation, and forgiveness so that I may step out of this old way of living and realign my narrative with God’s purpose for my life. 

Day 1: Witnessing my fears. Fear is like water. It moves until it is obstructed or cut off at its source. Fear will seep into every aspect of life until it is cut off. How do we get to the source? First, by witnessing and paying attention to triggers and emotions that affect behaviors.

F – false

E – evidence

A – appearing

R- real

My fears stem from scarcity. Somewhere along the way, I bought into the narrative that there was never enough. Never enough: food, money, love, and attention. I needed to be more intelligent, talented, and disciplined to pursue my dreams. It has stopped me more times than I care to admit, but that’s why I’m here. 

As difficult as this is to write, I am fully committed to this transformation, so it’s time to be honest. I have allowed fear and this scarcity mindset to stop me from living a life God designed for me. Living outside of my purpose has kept me living small. 

Fear and this scarcity mindset have led me to take jobs that drain my energy. It’s the cause of my mindless shopping. It’s permitted me to eat poorly. It’s taught me to crumple up and hide my purpose like a child sneaking candy. It has kept me up at night. It has pushed my body to the breaking point. I have continually stamped down on the seed God planted in my heart. He knows this, and while I am ashamed of doing this to Him, I am grateful for his forgiveness and unconditional love. 

Stepping into God’s forgiveness has opened my eyes and heart to know and understand the source of my fears. It’s allowing me to admit how ugly it has made me feel, which is the first step in this transformation. So where do I go from here? 

I start my day by reading my bible and ensuring I keep Romans 12:2 at the forefront of my day. Romans 12:2 is the bible verse that brought me back to God about 9 years ago. It is committed to my memory, and when I stray too far off course for too long, it begins to pop up all around me. It’s the bumper sticker on the car in front of me. It’s the IG posts from Christian influencers. It’s the message of the weekly sermon. It’s a gentle reminder that it is time to get back in alignment with God’s word and His purpose for my life. 

In case you are unfamiliar, Romans 12:2 states, “Do not conform to the ways of the world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”   

It’s time (yet again) to step into my purpose and step out of doing what no longer serves my purpose in life. When we step out of fear’s grasp, we make space for God to guide us and lead us to creative ways of reaching our genuine selves and potential. 

Thank you for joining me on this journey. Today is Day 1, and I hope you will continue with me until Day 30. Until tomorrow, give your body, mind, and spirit some much-needed grace. 

I’d love to start a new conversation with you. Leave me a comment telling me which bible verse or a saying is closest to your heart. 

Posted on by Denise Hartzler · 1 Comment

My father’s love

On April 27th, I lost my father. It’s a deep sadness that I’ve only experienced once before when my grandmother passed, but this feels heavier and more profound. I always knew my father’s time was limited and his passing would come. I didn’t expect it to be so sudden.

I tried writing this on the day I flew out to Arizona, but words weren’t easy. Day 1 came with a lot of crying and grieving. Day 2 was slightly better, but saying goodbye to my husband and son before heading out to Arizona nearly broke me. The waves of sadness came like the turbulence on the plane. I swung from a relaxed and almost weightless feeling with normal breathing to waves thrashing me around from a simple memory. My head hurt from crying so much, and there was nothing I could do other than lean into those I love and lean into God for guidance and comfort.

My father was a good man. He came from humble parents and led a simple life that always put family first. When he married my mom and adopted my sisters and me, we became a family. I was only six when he became our father so he has and will always be the only father I had in my life. One of my earliest memories was sitting in a judge’s chamber answering if I wanted to accept him as my father. I don’t have any emotions tied to that day but the one day that I do remember is going into school learning how to write my new last name, Kinney. My biological name, Rapach, stills hold a place in my timeline but it does not hold any weight like my maiden name, Kinney.

As I reflect on my father’s life, I can’t help but think of his generosity. He would do anything within his power to help anyone. He didn’t make much money driving trucks, but he did what he could. My father took on so many roles when we were growing up. He was an umpire in softball. An active marching band parent. A spectator of field hockey and tennis. A chess partner. He was our bowling instructor, captain, competitor, and biggest fan. Beyond these ordinary never-ending activities of three girls, the most important thing he gave us were his unconditional love and a secure family.

While going through my teenage years, I was not an easy teen – not as challenging as my oldest sister, yet not as good as my middle sister. I learned a lot of lessons from them, and I think my father knew this because our conversations were different than those he had with my sisters. This isn’t to say I didn’t test his patience because I did, but I also knew I could call him at any hour for help. And that’s the ultimate role of a father, isn’t it? To be there.

I don’t know who I’d be if I didn’t have him when I was growing up. I don’t know how to do life without him just yet. He’d say I ‘no longer need him’ because he did his job well, but I will always need him. What I need to learn is how to look for him in the small and big moments of life. I keep telling myself that if I pay attention more to this world around me, I’ll see that he isn’t gone forever.

As I’m sitting outside writing this with the trees blowing a cool breeze, I think of how a family is like these trees – broken branches, small branches sprouting from the strong trunk while others are sprouting out from limbs, brave branches reaching for the sky in all directions, old bark slowly peeling ready to return to the ground, closely stacked branches providing a place to shelter, a sturdy and fully exposed trunk, and unseen roots stretching far wide giving water and nutrients keeping the whole tree grounded – keeping it all alive. It makes me think of all the branches of my family providing me with strength, protection, and love.

As I said, I knew his end was coming, but that small child in me thought he’d be here forever. The adult in me knows that the love he blessed with me these last 43 years will last forever in my heart. I miss you a lot, Dad.

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Leaning in…

I cannot believe I haven’t blogged since Christmas time! I drafted several blog posts, but what I wrote didn’t feel fitting. One day it’ll be the right time, but right now, I’m exploring new territory with my writing and creating. I am looking at my writing with a new lens in this new space. I’m trying to find my voice and my stride. It takes much more discipline these days and a lot of consciousness, but the rewards of being deliberate with my time and aware of positive and negative influences bring me closer to my voice.

I am about to branch out into the side hustle world, and while I’m getting things ready to launch, my writing is expanding past my creative and teaching boundaries. I still love playing with words in a creative space. I still love the basics of academic and technical writing I model for my students. And it’s all happening on paper.

That’s right! I have returned to writing on paper. Not only is it less distracting and easier on my eyes, but it’s also grounding. It could also be the tactile experience that I am enjoying. And writing on paper slows me down – something both my body and brain need. Going slower has been a goal of mine since my time on leave last fall. We live in a rushed world, and when I don’t slow down and step off the proverbial hamster wheel, it negatively affects my mind, body, and soul; returning to pen and paper is healing.

I noticed that writing on paper, besides my messy handwriting, there is less pressure to get each and every word just right. That burden of making every word just right is nothing more than a form of perfectionism, which is why many writers fail to achieve goals. Typing to get every word right was an unconscious block for making progress. With handwriting, I’m also pushing past the urge to rewrite what I worked on the day before. It’s Newton’s law of motion – consciously moving my hand and thoughts forward keeps me moving forward. Another reason for writing by hand is the focus. My focus has severely declined over the last decade. It’s not just age (approaching 50); it’s the mental decline due to endless hours of zombie scrolling and zoning out on my phone and tablet. Yes, phones are great. Heck, I used to work for a mobile app company. So I get it. I actually love playing with technology, but it’s beginning to come at a price. Writing by hand genuinely strengthens my ability to calm my mind and body, allowing me enough stored energy to focus my thoughts to a satisfying conclusion. As my brain carefully considers each letter, word, or phrase, I gain more stamina to push out invading thoughts. Lastly, writing by hand improves my ability to express myself more authentically and allows me to communicate more complex ideas. It’s like a more profound sense of critical thinking. While it also serves as a blank playground where thoughts can expand and grow beyond the page.

In addition to writing on paper, I have been consciously practicing leaning into what brings me joy, energizes me, and makes me feel authentic. I also pay close attention to what depletes me and negatively impacts me. Whether it comes from food, news, the people around me, text messages, music, or my surroundings. They offer one thing: positive or negative energy. If I get sucked into the negative, I excuse myself and walk away or pivot my thoughts or the conversation to something more neutral or positive. Negative energy is sticky energy. It’s like pollen. It sticks to EVERYTHING! It often feels light, but it quickly becomes a weighty burden. This is where boundaries come into play. They are essential to establish. If you are a people pleaser, boundaries are difficult to practice but are critical to your well-being. By leaning into the good and the bad, I (re)learn more about myself and become more confident in protecting all that brings me joy without apologizing.

Just like life, writing is a journey. Some days are trying. Some days are smooth. Self-discovery is also a journey. Creating the life you want is 100% controllable by you. Therefore, I invite you on this journey with me because, as my tagline states, journies are meant to be shared.

I’d love to hear what journey you are on currently. Please drop a comment below, and let’s have a conversation.

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

COVID, Christmas, and Creativity

There were three weeks after Thanksgiving break until winter break. I had hoped and prayed that I could make it through; after all, it was only three weeks. However, I spent half of those three weeks battling COVID. It was my first bout of COVID, and I hope it will be my last. The coughing felt like knives in my chest and throat while the rest of my body ached from fighting a fever, eventually leading to shivering and sweating. The congestion was choking me, and I was desperate for nothing more than ice water. It was misery. My doctor said she hadn’t seen someone with a severe case in a while, and I had it bad. Unfortunately, the antiviral meds gave me night terrors, so I stopped them immediately. Sleep was my friend, and I was desperate to protect it, even if it meant missing out on several hockey games, interactions with family, and life in general, especially Christmas shopping and planning. By day seven, I slowly began to feel sort of human again. I could do essential functions around the house, but they would leave me exhausted.

I should be enjoying this time of year, but I’m struggling with the preparations this year. I’m trying to understand why my parasympathetic system goes haywire whenever a virus attacks my body. When I finally feel better physically, the anxiety returns with a vengeance. I am not as bad as in the fall with panic attacks, but that old familiar anxiousness vibrates through my body. I rely on the tools I learned to keep the panic at arm’s length. Christmas music helps. Now that I can breathe without coughing fits, I’m forcing myself to sing along. It allows me to quiet the anxious vibrations. We will have a house full of family on Christmas Eve, and I refuse to let anxiety ruin my time with them. It’s not often that we get together like this, so I will ask for help and allow others to help; I will excuse myself at/around 10 PM to head into bed because rest is a non-negotiable for my health and wellness. Christmas’s busyness will not exhaust me; I am the only one who will exhaust me. My husband knows this about me and will protect me, even when I’m the cause. Just the other day, he watched me fighting sleep when it was what my body needed. I was determined to stay awake and make it to our son’s hockey game. He looked at me and said, “stop being stubborn and get up to bed now. You need to rest.” His support lifts that self-imposed weight I place on myself. A moment like this makes me appreciate how well we know and respect each other.

Besides family, Christmas, and time off from work/school, I love this time to curl up in front of the tree and write. Christmastime always gifts me with creativity. It’s often the last of the year rush to get more words released like I’m making up for procrastination days or, in this case, writing days lost to COVID. It could be simply the warmth of the house from all the decorations. Whatever it is, I have a fountain of creativity flowing, and each year, I am more determined not to let the busyness of work and life take precedence over my writing. So I capitalize on this time and let the creativity flow onto the pages. I am excited about what I have planned for 2023 for my writing journey, and I cannot wait to share it with you. Together we will go from page to page on a writing journey where we will nurture a tiny seed of an idea into a relatable world full of characters that take on life and all of its twists and turns.

For now, I wish you all a Merry Christmas! May you be blessed with joy, warmth, good health, creativity, and peace. ~Denise

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

A moment to say…thanks

Thanksgiving signifies the act of expressing or feeling thankfulness. It’s the act of giving thanks to express gratitude for the blessings in one’s life.

I have so much to be thankful for, but I want to focus on people this season. It’s easy to be grateful for the blessings in our lives, like a warm home in the winter, food, clothing, a running car, etc. While these necessities are essential, I want to show gratitude for those I love and who have taught me lessons.

When my son was an infant, I would often walk and rock him while saying thank you to all our “angels” who watch over us. I would say, “thank you, Gram, thank you, Uncle Pat, thank you, Wanda, thank you, Pop, thank you, Uncle Freddy,” and this would continue until the fussiness subsided or he fell asleep. There was something very cathartic about calling out to those I loved dearly to help calm my baby.

So the other morning, as I was journaling, I started listing all the people who have helped me this past year. The list is long, and for that, I am grateful. I even listed people who had wronged me or made life more challenging. After all, I did learn something from them or about them. This exercise gave me tremendous perspective. It was very humbling to realize how many I have not reached out to or who I have not heard from in a while.  

I wish all my readers a very HappyThanksgiving. As a simple thank you, I encourage you to download this gratitude page from my upcoming journal. If you are reading this early in the morning, remember, it only takes a moment to be grateful for all those in your life, even those who may have been in your life for just a season.

Happy Thanksgiving!

As always, I encourage you to comment, like, and share. Writing is a journey meant to be shared.

A moment to say…Download
Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Choose Your Own Adventure

This past week I met with a new doctor specializing in integrative, holistic solutions. During our session, we covered the symptoms that have challenged my health and well-being since this past summer leading up to my debilitating anxiety and panic disorder earlier this fall. Seeing and understanding the results of eight vials of blood was an awakening. In my heart, I knew my body was out of balance, but I didn’t realize to what extent until I took action to seek out a different path of care.

Taking a path different from the “traditional” is not always bad. I’ve been told these last few years, “this is just the way it is and can be this way for several more years.” I settled for that answer until it landed me in the ER last month. It wasn’t until after I came home from the ER that day did I finally get honest with myself. I knew there had to be a better way to health than just one prescription after another. Note: I am not saying medications are wrong, and plenty of people near and dear to me require medicines for various reasons, but for me, it just wasn’t the answer, and my body strongly sent that message.

Now that I’m on an alternative path to getting my body back in balance, it’s time to get honest with my spirit about my dream of writing full-time.

Each of us is born with a dream in our hearts. The first realization of this dream probably came when you imagined yourself in another role during childhood. You may not have realized it until you were a teen or a young adult looking up at the stars with that gut feeling of, “there has to be more for me out there.” It may come to you when you are an adult going through a new season. Whatever your age, or stage in life, God placed a purpose in your spirit from the moment you were born. Most of us, including myself, may have taken a bit longer to understand this purpose. Some, again including myself, may fight or ignore that purpose. But you can easily find your purpose with some quiet time, prayer time, and a journal. My childhood dreams of becoming a veterinarian are long past, but my dream and desire to pursue a career in writing have been urging me a lot harder these days. While I love teaching and working with many different students, it’s causing a lot of dis-ease within me. Being a teacher has many emotional rewards and provides a stable income; however, the price of being physically, mentally, and emotionally depleted is not living – it’s merely surviving.

Life has been feeling like those “choose your own adventure” books. Make the wrong decision, and you die. Fortunately, in those books, you restart the adventure. In reality, there is no start-over after death. So I need to restart now! I must reboot both my health and my writing. Where does this leave me with teaching? I will fulfill my contract year because that’s who I am, and it’s the professional thing to do. Along the way, I will create boundaries that will protect my writing time and energy levels. I will take every little step I can to stay on the path of finding a way to catapult my writing past the hobby phase and into the income phase. I invite you to continue this journey with me because it is in community where we heal, learn, grow, and write.

Join the conversation: Please leave me a comment and any suggestions to help me get my writing career monetized and to become a full-time reality.

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Give Yourself Permission to Pause

The other day when I was watching tv with Chris, I asked him to pause the show while I ran upstairs to check on dinner. Why is it second nature for us to ask someone to “press pause when a show is playing,” but when we need a pause for our health, we hesitate, or worse, we keep life going in fast-forward motion? 

Last week, I skipped this blog because I ran out of steam. I returned to work last week and while the welcome back was warm and full of hugs, laughs, tears, and genuinely kind words, I didn’t have the energy to write this post. And guess what? That’s ok. I hit the pause button rather than pushing through.

Even this past Monday, after three days at work, I had to call out because I woke up with a fever, body aches, and deep congestion. I showered, got ready for work, and had all intentions of getting into school and teaching throughout the day. Then I sat down and paused for a moment. I leaned in and listened to my body. Within that brief moment, I realized how sick I’d become. Flu, RSV, COVID, and so many “unnamed” viruses are floating around in school. After I whipped out sub plans, I read through eight emails from students who all were around me last week and are now home with the flu. 

I also know my body does not do well when the weather changes. These last few days, we had the air conditioning back on. Yeah, let that sink in. It’s November. The air conditioning is on! The heat was on two weeks ago, and we’re about to turn it back on later this week when it’ll be in the forties at night. Anyways, as crazy as the weather is and the crazy amount of stuff floating around school, I’d inevitably get sick.   

Being sick doesn’t mean that you are weak. Is it an inconvenience? Yes. For teachers, I know it poses a problem with so few subs working this year. But when we are sick, it forces us to pause. Therefore, I encourage you to look at the positive, even if you feel miserable. 

I want you to imagine what you would feel like if you hit the pause button more often when you are not sick:   

  • Take time for yourself.
  • Take time for your family or for those you love dearly. 
  • Take time for your goals.
  • Take time for your dreams! 
  • Take time to be present. 
  • Take time to pray. 
  • Take time in nature. 

The list is endless! Just promise me that before the busyness of the holidays and the flu and cold season force you to pause, you hit the pause button without guilt.  

I’d love to hear from you! Share how you know when it’s time to hit pause and what you do during your pause.

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

“Can we fix it? Yes! We Can!” Building a Mental Health Toolbox for Anxiety

Writing through Anxiety Blog Series #4

If I needed to borrow a tool, would you lend it to me? Some people will say sure, while others will not. People are very protective of their tools. Some have good reasons, like their tools never being returned or returned too many years too late. Hopefully, the tools I’m giving you today will help you build a toolbox you can use and give to someone else in need. I wish I could fix anxiety with panic disorder with just one tool, but thankfully, we are in an age where we have so many tools at our fingertips and so many good neighbors willing to share their tools 🙂  

Over these last few weeks, I’ve been writing about my recent anxiety and panic disorder that led me to go out on FMLA status from teaching. Today, we are discussing ways we can move through anxiety with the purpose of building a toolbox. 

To start, I want you to declare that your anxiety will no longer have power over you and the things you want to enjoy in life. This declaration can be a simple whisper to yourself, a written statement, or shouted (literally shouted from your gut) outside in nature. A positive, powerful mentality is essential. 

As a reminder, I’ve encouraged you since Blog 1 in this series to find your support people. Having a circle of support around you is crucial during this time. This community should surround you with love, understanding, and patience. Remember, healing never takes place in isolation. 

Now let’s talk about a toolbox. Remember Bob the Builder? “Can we fix it? Yes, we can!” Bob the Builder was a popular tv series whereby Bob and his pals (aka his community) solved problems with a positive attitude (mindset) and used all sorts of tools to fix things. Note: I am fully aware this is an animated, imaginary world full of positivity for children. However, that doesn’t mean we should discredit it and not apply it to our anxiety and debilitating panic. And I’m not downplaying the severity of anxiety or panic disorder. I know what it’s like to be in the ER for panic attacks.

First, healing anxiety relies on all the tools we have to assist us through the pain. What tools do I have in my arsenal? Prayer, Bible reading, meditation, breathing exercises, body tapping, walking, hypnotherapy, writing, and many conversations with my support circle. And as of last week, I mentioned using medications. Due to the severity of the side effects and being in a consistent state of feeling simultaneously drunk and hungover, I recently decided to stop the meds. I’m trying everything I can to stay holistic because that works best for my body. There is no judgment here, and you should NEVER feel ashamed if you include medications in your toolbox. 

Building a toolbox requires understanding how and why anxiety happens in the body. For me, it’s rarely thought-provoking anxiety, but I do have some thoughts that can trigger anxiety; however, not many. It’s a physical response to the stress in my world. So I recently learned about “leaning” into the pain and accepting that my body is sounding an alarm. It’s crying for attention. All the old habits and the physical pain stored deep in our cells comes to the surface in the form of anxiety and panic. When I feel heart palpitations or tension in my chest or shoulders, I stop what I am doing and place my hand on the part of my body where I feel the reaction happening. So if it’s that choking feeling, I gently put my hand on my throat area, take a 2- or 3-second breath and exhale twice the amount while quietly telling myself, “I am safe, or just simply ask my anxiety what it needs.” If I have to do this sitting down, walking around, or swaying side to side, that’s what I do. It doesn’t take it away, but it lessens the intensity. If you are interested in more of this type of technique, search “somatic therapy.” 

I also walk every day. Even on rainy days, I somehow manage to walk at least 2 miles outside. I invested in base layers of clothing to have zero excuses for not getting outdoors as the temperatures drop. It’s fall in Virginia which means it’s cold in the mornings and warmer in the afternoons. During my FMLA time, I have taken to doing sunrise walks. I love watching the sunrise at 7:20 every morning. There is something so peaceful about the rising sun and the colors of the leaves. I even found a rock to sit on under a canopy of yellow maple trees. The leaves are truly spectacular this time of the year. As a side note, I am not a runner, but on some mornings, when I feel a lot of built-up tension or vibrations in my chest, I do a slow run for a mile. I did two miles the other day because my body needed to move quickly, and it helped me release some deep breathing. 

Meditation. Most people believe you must empty your mind to meditate effectively. I beg to differ. Our minds inherently think. By nature, this is how they are wired. So why do we expect them to stop thinking while meditating or going into a state of quiet rest? Years ago, I learned to hear the thought but not follow it. So I often say, “don’t go down the rabbit hole.” If you are trying to quiet your mind and suddenly remember that you need to buy frozen peas and carrots, thank your brain for the reminder but don’t start building a grocery list. Return to your quiet mind and visualize where your breath is needed in your body to heal. For example, I imagine the inhale filling up my chest with clean air and the exhale expels the stress from my body. After a few clean breaths, I move on to another body part. I do this for about 3-5 minutes. That’s it. 

Body tapping is a fantastic exercise. I learned body tapping almost 20 years ago! I recently appreciated the benefits of knowing how to do body tapping during this latest episode of panic. I’ve recommitted to ensuring I go with some form of tapping during the day. As shown in the video listed below, you don’t have to tap your entire body; you can focus on the upper body to help relieve anxiety’s stagnant energy. I like doing whole-body tapping at the end of a long and stressful day. It’s like beating the dust off an area rug. 

I’m new to hypnotherapy. Listening to it right before bed is exceptionally relaxing. There is something about consciously melting into your mattress while unconsciously being told affirmations that I find comforting and helpful. Below is the link to the audio ones that I listen to and the books that has really helped me understand the physical storing of anxiety.  

As for bible reading and praying, I’ve always done this. Having that quiet time at the beginning of my day while reading the Bible is a habit I will never abandon. In the mornings, if my mind is racing or my body is tense, I begin reciting the Lord’s Prayer over and over. Repeating this prayer or a verse from the Bible helps ground me and makes me feel truly connected to God, and reminds me that I am never alone. My favorite Bible verse that I’m ready to tattoo on my body is Romans 12:2 – “Do not conform to the ways of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. ” 

Finally, make sure you have a support circle. My support comes from family and friends, who don’t judge me, and they can be called/texted at any time of the day. I also have a therapist who gives me tools and is a prayer warrior. Here in Virginia, and I’m sure in other states, after COVID, it is challenging to find a therapist with an opening that isn’t six-eight months out. I turned to Better Help, an online therapy platform. All it took was filling out a questionnaire, and they matched med immediately to someone. We now meet online weekly, and I can join small group therapy. It’s been a great tool! If you are trying to find a therapist and cannot get in to see one, please consider Better Help. They are affordable and convenient; you can choose a video or phone call, all in the comfort of your home. And I know what it feels like to have agoraphobia during anxiety and panic, so having the comfort of not leaving your home is essential. My work family is also a part of my support circle. They check in with me, give me space, and ask permission to chat about work. On the days when I said, “no, I can’t talk about work right now because I have too much anxiety,” they understood and still reached out to say hi or send cute cat memes or pictures of their pets.  

I hope that giving you a glimpse and a list of resources in my toolbox is helpful. I know how living with anxiety and panic disorder can be debilitating at times. I am returning to work tomorrow, and it has taken me close to six weeks to say this without panicking. I have a “panic buddy” ready at work to help me when my body wants to freeze or run away. I don’t know if I will openly discuss this with my students. Some may find this blog and read it anyways, and if they have questions, I will be honest. My journey is not over; just my medical leave is over. And without ruminating about what “might be” or “could be” in the future, which is not real because it hasn’t happened yet, I am learning to be present, and I’m learning to be a defender of my mental and physical health, even if it means redefining my life.

If you don’t want to read this exceptionally long narrative, here is a quick list of resources that make up my toolbox (these are not affiliate links): 

Better Help

Body Tapping – there are many other videos but this is how I learned to body tap almost 20 years ago

Meditation

Understanding Anxiety and Hypnotherapy – book and audio downloads

Somatic Therapy

My favorite pens and pencils for writing

Columbia Sports (base layers for colder weather)

Let’s keep the dialogue going. If you are comfortable, please leave me your story and experience with anxiety/panic attacks. Remember, we heal in community, not in isolation. My mission is to help others openly discuss their anxiety/panic and talking openly and honestly is the first step. If you have tools that have helped you, please share. Like my motto, “writing is a life-long journey meant to be shared,” I can now confidently say the same about healing my anxiety ~ it may be a life-long journey, but I’m grateful I can share it with you and those around me.

Disclaimer: This is by no means therapy or professional advice. This blog series is my narrative, my journey, that I am sharing with you in hopes of encouraging you to begin healing your anxiety.
Posted on by Denise Hartzler

This Might Hurt…

Writing Through Anxiety Blog Series #3

Do you know how a doctor usually says, “this might hurt,” before piercing a needle into your skin? You brace yourself for physical pain. Our brains process the forewarning by telling our bodies that there will be a period when we must experience physical pain before the healing begins. Why don’t we give ourselves this warning when dealing with mental health? After all, deciding to make a change for your mental health leads you through a physical, emotional, and spiritual transformation. This transformation will require some pain. Why? Well, simply put, you are growing. You are breaking a cycle. 

If you are unhappy, stressed out, burnt out, unfilled, disgusted, full of anxiety, whatever it is, you must first decide to remove the mask. Removing the guise will make you feel very vulnerable. It’s hidden your truth for so long that now without the facade, you essentially feel naked, and boy, it is scary! 

Thankfully, we are a generation of consciousness. And that’s a good thing! It allows us to say, “I refuse to live like this anymore.” It’s effortless to slip the mask back on. I believe this is what our brains want us to do. I always tell my students, “our brains want to be lazy.” Brains thrive on routines and repetitions because they don’t have to work. However, once you declare that you will no longer live this way, you must begin implementing all the tools you have gathered to foster change. Unfortunately, when it comes to mental health, no one tells you that this change will be physically uncomfortable as it is emotionally and spiritually. But I encourage you to remind yourself that the pain you are going through is growing pains and that no transformation ever happens without pain. 

The minute you start changing is when the pain comes. We have done everything to avoid pain; we don’t like the uncomfortable. We are essentially in survival mode and have reshaped ourselves to prevent or lessen the pain. No one welcomes pain. I get it. But let’s look at it through a different lens. What happens if we move past the numbing and coping we’ve relied on all these years? What if we lean into our pain? We no longer consciously or unconsciously avoid it. Let’s give it the attention it needs. Anxiety in our bodies is like sounding an alarm to get our attention. 

You see, anxiety or panic pain comes in many physical reactions. This past month, I have gone through the following trials of discomfort/pain:  

  • Heat spreads from my chest through my limbs (and this isn’t a hot flash or warmth, it’s like searing burning moving through your veins). 
  • Hands around my throat, squeezing tightly. 
  • Tremors, more like a violent twitch, of my arms, hands, or legs.
  • Vibration or a constant annoying buzzing throughout my whole body.
  • Electric shocks/jolts.
  • Tired/fatigued muscles.
  • My heart thumps against my chest wall or pounds in my ears. 
  • Sour stomach or nausea. 
  • My eyes dart around the room, and I cannot move them smoothly from one thing to the next. 

After several days (and eventually weeks of these relentless symptoms) and with the help of my support circle, I decided to take FMLA and use the time to lean into the pain and heal. Yes, the meds are assisting me, but I am not allowing them to be the solution. They are merely an assistant. It doesn’t mean that they are numbing the anxiety. They prevent me from tipping over the precipice into sheer panic. When I am in that state of panic, there is no fighting. For me, it’s simply fleeing or freezing. And by freezing, I mean curling up into myself as tightly as possible, crying because I’m freaking out, and unaware of any thoughts other than getting my body as small and tightly wound as possible. Thankfully, my husband is strong enough to wrap himself around me and be that gentle reminder to breathe because I have a habit of holding my breath. 

After a panic episode subsides, it leaves my body feeling like I’m hungover. I’m tired to the bone, and my spirit is weary. These panic episodes have scared me to the point of going to the ER twice in my lifetime. And all they ever did was sedate me. Feeling like I was losing all control, and this fear of being torn away from my family or waking up locked away somewhere only raised my blood pressure. But once I was in the safety of my home, I slept. Upon waking up, I vowed to find a way to recognize the pain in my body and find the tools needed to avoid further panic episodes. 

If after a panic or intense anxiety attack, you may need to nap. You may need to cry. You will most likely be exhausted from breaking deep cycles of masking. Be kind to yourself. Be confident, knowing and feeling that you are doing the work many refuse to do. After all, people with anxiety are some of the strongest and most resilient people in the world. We do everything we need to (take care of family, hold down careers, etc.) while carrying 100lbs of worry/fear on our backs. Begin putting these statements on repeat: I am strong. I will find peace. Peace begins with me. 

Action Steps: 

  1. Identify how your body responds to anxiety. Write down specifically where you feel the tension. Does it start with an increased heart rate? Does it start with tension in your shoulders? Does it start in the upper stomach/solar plexus area? Take note of where it begins.
  2. Gather your tools. Hopefully, you have your support circle identified. Let them in by telling them you are looking for ways to heal your anxiety. Accept their suggestions graciously, even if you don’t use them. Research different breathing techniques and meditations and try them out to see what works for you. Find a therapist if you don’t have one. There are plenty of online therapists available 24/7. I personally use a therapist from Better Help. It’s convenient and in the comfort of my home. Find time to take a walk every day. If it’s cold and rainy outside, do some yoga. All these tools and more will help you through the pain. 

Next week, we’ll discuss how to put your tools to work and begin the healing process. 

Let’s keep the dialogue going. If you are comfortable, please leave me your story and experience with anxiety/panic attacks. Remember, we heal in community, not in isolation. My mission is to help others openly discuss their anxiety/panic and talking openly and honestly is the first step.

Disclaimer: This is by no means therapy or professional advice. This blog series is my narrative, my journey, that I am sharing with you in hopes of encouraging you to begin healing your anxiety.
Posted on by Denise Hartzler

You Must Be This Tall to Ride…

Writing Through Anxiety Blog Series #2

There are plenty of reasons I’m not too fond of rollercoasters: the jerking motion, free-falling motion, the tight grip on the handles, the stomach in your throat feeling, and plenty more. It’s never been exhilarating for me. I have even tried to find joy in them. The stress release of screaming your brains out without judgment. The laughter of riders afterward. The wind in your hair. While these are all positives for many, the negative feelings far outweigh the positives. Hell, most of the time, I was never tall enough to ride the rollercoasters, but I did try a few, and it was enough to know that it wasn’t for me. Right now in my life, this journey of battling anxiety with panic disorder is one big rollercoaster ride, and I want off.

These last two weeks have been challenging. One day I will feel like my healthy self, full of peace, calm, and lightness. The next day, my body twitches and tremors, my stomach churns, and my head either hurts or is dizzy. It’s almost four weeks since I started meds, and I can’t tell if they are working or not. I’m guessing they are because the anxiety hasn’t spiraled/escalated into a panic. To me, these little moments are progressing me toward steady days.

Like many others, I’m doing my fair share, probably too obsessively, of research on how to hold down a job with anxiety and panic disorder. I’m trying new breathing techniques, cold showers, long walks, sensory-type grounding practices, cognitive behavior therapy, hypnotherapy, and more. Intellectually, I know it will be a long process to get well, but that doesn’t mean I won’t get frustrated, annoyed, or impatient by how slow this is taking.

So as I continue on this rollercoaster, I am trying my hardest to give myself some grace on the challenging days. My husband is more patient with me than I am on those days. He’s my rock and my support, and I mean that as literally as possible. He truly holds me up when my legs want to give out. He holds my hand when he senses my fear and reassures my soul that I am not alone. When he wraps me in his arms tightly, it eases my rapid heartbeat into a slow thump. On days when I feel strong and at peace, I try to push past my comfort zone and dip my toes in the proverbial waters to see how my body will react.

As I wrestle with all these physical reactions to the world around me, I remind myself that I need to figure out what to do with my teaching career. Right now, it’s on hold in the infamous FMLA status, but even that requires an end date. I want to go back, but it’s hard putting on a mask of bravery when my body is freaking out on the inside. My doctor and therapist advise me that I shouldn’t decide while feeling this way. Unfortunately, it feels like unfinished business. Plus, there’s the weight of knowing how much extra work it is putting on your colleagues.

Writing through all this has been helpful and feels substantial. I wish I were well enough to share with my students just how important it is to write your way through the ups and downs, twists and turns, and the backward motion of the rollercoaster. I also wish I was not tall enough to ride this ride, but there is a purpose, and I’m determined to find the purpose of this journey.

Action Step: I encourage you to leave a comment and share your story with me. I am a firm believer that we can never heal in isolation. We heal in our community. I urge you to find your community if you struggle with mental health. It doesn’t need to be a large group but find your people.

I count my blessings for my community of supporters. Without their love, patience, and support, I would be lost and lonely. Like my motto, “Writing is a life-long journey meant to be shared,” I can now confidently say the same about healing my anxiety ~ it may be a life-long journey, but I’m grateful I can share it with you and those around me.

Disclaimer: This is by no means therapy or professional advice. This blog series is my narrative, my journey, that I am sharing with you in hopes of encouraging you to begin healing your anxiety.

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Writing through anxiety

About three weeks ago, sheer terror took over my brain as I tried to get myself into school. I pulled over to the side of the road trying to catch my breath, but my breathing was labored while my stomach churned out one wave of nausea after another. My heart pounded my chest wall like it no longer wanted to remain in my body. Every nerve in my body reacted to every sound with a jolt of electric shocks while my muscles twitched. This was the worst panic attack of my life.

The following days were plagued with manic bouts of sobbing. My body was releasing an immense array of emotions. Positive and negative thoughts swung like a heavy pendulum with no rest in the middle. I lost all sense of who I was and couldn’t feel any sort of my old self. My support circle of my husband, my son, my family, and friends immediately surrounded me in love and prayer. They became my stable ground while I lost all sense of being able to stand on my own.

As the days continued with my husband by my side, my son reassuring me, and my family and friends checking in throughout the day, my body and brain continued on this path of panic. Tense muscles twitched me awake throughout the night. Guilt wakes me up early mornings knowing there are no subs to cover my team at work. As I tried to continue to press through the day with the most mundane tasks of showering and eating, I was continually assaulted by those electric shocks numbing my chest and limbs. This was tearing me down.

I decided to take a medical leave of absence. This was the hardest decision of my professional life. It was a quick decision but one that had to be made sooner rather than later. Beyond the basics of knowing that I could not be responsible for young adults at this time, the weight of not having to put on a mask of calm to get through the day, was a deep breath that I needed.

As I continue to heal and go through trials of various medications, I am learning to give my body the time it needs to heal because I only have this one body and one mind. The healing process is a tug of war with my ego. My body and mind have been on a steady decline of brokenness and my ego kept me going for all the wrong reasons. So while the breakdown was slow, my ego expects a quick fix. Relearning how to be in rest is challenging but for a nervous system that is on hyperdrive, rest is necessary.

When the meds don’t have me in a fog, I will write my way through this journey. And with every [writing] journey, pacing is everything, being present is necessary, and forgiveness is essential. I am more determined than ever to resurface my purpose through writing. Putting words on the page is my breath and my best defense against an anxious beast wanting to do nothing more than escalate and spiral me far from reality.

If you are struggling with your mental health, please do not suffer alone. Find your circle of support and if you aren’t sure where to turn, please contact 988 for help.

Please leave a comment of encouragement, empowerment, or your story. It’s only when we openly talk about mental health that we can begin to remove the stigmas and heal.

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Stuck in the middle

Being the youngest of three, I was often relegated to the middle seat. Good thing I was also the shortest in my family so it was never too uncomfortable, plus I had the protection of my older sisters on each side of me. But that doesn’t mean that I didn’t try to argue my way out of the middle nor does it mean that I liked the middle seat a whole bunch either.

At some point in your writing journey, you may experience getting stuck in the middle of your story. It feels slow. It feels like you are walking through the heavy waters of the ocean. I know several authors who rent out a hotel room or a VRBO for a long weekend, just to write the middle portion of their novel. They did this religiously. The simple act of changing their scenery, having no interruptions, relying on room service/meal delivery, etc. is what they need in order to focus and trudge their way through the middle. Not everyone has such luxury and that’s ok. It doesn’t mean you can’t get through the middle of your novel.

Here are some quick tips to help you find your way through the middle:

  • Give your character a new location. While you may not be writing somewhere new, drop your character into a new location and see how they respond.
  • Increase the tension for your main character.
  • Shift the focus from your protagonist and agitate your antagonist a bit more.
  • Look at your minor characters. Sometimes, it’s those secondary characters and their relation to the protagonist that isn’t fully flushed out. Find their purpose and raise the expectations you have of them.

As for you, the writer:

  • Change your location. You don’t have to travel far or spend any money. Try writing somewhere new, but don’t get distracted by window shopping or eavesdropping.
  • Writer from home? Ask for help in minimizing your distractions. If you are like me and write at a desktop computer without a laptop, ask a friend, family member, or neighbor to be your gate keeper. Maybe they can watch the kids, not call or text for a few hours, bring you something to eat without visiting/staying to chat.
  • If you are a “pantster” and write freely, this may be a good time to lean on an outline. Outlining – you either love it or hate it. If you hate it, you may find it helpful if you are truly stuck.
  • Get a beta reader! This is so important for all parts of your novel. A trusted beta reader must be someone who can be truthful and brutally honest with you about your story. They are not line editors, but simply someone who is invested in the characters and story and watch it take shape. A good beta reader will tell you what works or doesn’t work. So find that someone. If it scares you to share your manuscript for fear that it may be stolen, again, find someone you trust. If you can’t get past this fear, simply draft a non-disclosure agreement.

Being in the middle isn’t always so bad. It’s like the biblical saying of “walking through the valley” ~ walk, trudge, crawl, your way through the middle. I promise it will be worth it in “the end.” The middle is only temporary, eventually you, your characters, and your readers will make it to the end.

As always, I want to hear from you. How do you get through the dreaded middle part of your novel?

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

National Day of Encouragement

September 12th is designated the National Day of Encouragement. It is a day to do what you can to lift others up and have a positive impact on the people around you. Yesterday, we took time to remember the victims of 9/11 and to really embrace the every day moments of family life. As my son continues on his high school journey, the reality of how fast time is going by is setting in. I know I only have a few more years left with him living with us and so every moment is becoming more and more precious. His age reminded me of the young adults that began the National Day of Encouragement. This remarkable group took it upon themselves to overcome the grim reality of negatives and turn to each other for encouragement. Within a short amount of time this project gained popularity and purpose. President George Bush declared September 12, 2007 the National Day of Encouragement.

As a teacher, I will be using tomorrow to bring awareness to this day and ask my students how they define the word “encourage” and what can they do to encourage another person today. As a writer, there is nothing more simpler and easy to do than write a letter/postcard. So from one writer to another, I ask that you please reach out and send a letter or a postcard to someone you may not have heard from in a long time. You can also leave random notes of encouragement in places like coffee shops or libraries. I once saw a random sticky note left on a changing table in a public bathroom addressed to ‘The Mom who is struggling or tired today.’ It simply said, “you are doing a great job keeping your child alive. You can do this today.”

For more ideas and to learn more about the National Day of Encouragement, please visit: https://nationaltoday.com/national-day-of-encouragement/

I encourage all of you to get out there and do something kind for someone today, even by writing a review on Etsy for an artist can go a long way in making someone feel uplifted. Remember the smallest acts of kindness can have the biggest impacts on a person’s heart.

Be well. Keep writing. Keep creating.

As always, I love to hear from my readers. Leave a comment letting me know what you did today to celebrate National Day of Encouragement.

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

In honor of MLK Day

“If you can’t fly, then run. If you can’t run, then walk. If you can’t walk, then crawl. Whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward.”

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
MLK Monument

Whatever it is that you want to see changed in yourself or the world, YOU have the power to make a positive difference. With each small step in the right direction, you will reach your destination. So though these words are short today, keep taking those small, daily steps towards progress.

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Just a quick word…

I want to keep this short as most people are feeling burnt out, exhausted, or are in some sort of phase of COVID. My thoughts are with you. My gratitude is with you.

Thank you.

Thank you for your patience.

Thank you for your understanding as I switched careers this last year and neglected this page.

Thank you for supporting me.

Thank you for encouraging me.

As we begin 2022, may it be full of warmth, joy, healing, and peace.

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Happy birthday, America!

Happy fourth of July, America! Another year to celebrate all that this country has been through and continues to face. As we celebrate America’s birthday with all things “American” – hamburgers, hot dogs, picnics, family gatherings, fireworks, concerts, work, and so much more, it got me thinking, what does celebrating the Fourth of July have to do with writing? A lot, but I’ll mention only a few that are on my mind.

First and foremost, America was born from an idea.

Much like stories, America was nothing more than an idea. That idea led to conversations that expanded into a more extended narrative and reached more and more people. These people then took upon the idea of freedom and fought hard for it, and because they put the word freedom into action, a new nation was born. That is America’s history at its core. A nation born from an idea.

America’s narrative continues to undergo edits and rewrites, year after year. If you are a writer, you know that your first piece of writing must undergo edits and revisions before leaving your computer. No one, and I mean no one who wants a career in writing, will ever submit the first draft to an agent, editor, or even their blog without a few rewrites or edits. And that’s how this great country survives and thrives. I will not get into the politics of rewriting history, but whether we like it or not, America is undergoing a revision. And as writers, we know revisions can be long, arduous, and painful but necessary.

So, my dear America, I want to tell you on your birthday: stay strong. You will survive all that we have faced this past year, and you will continue to thrive. How do I know this? Because you are that never-ending novel that doesn’t want to stay in the top drawer, you have never-ending revisions, and with each passing year, authors write their version of your original idea – freedom and justice for all.

Happy Birthday, America!

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Do you take your own advice?

Last month, I dished out a lot “advice” for how to get yourself and your writing moving forward rather than staying static. In my classroom, I also give students “suggestions” (aka advice) for how to improve their reading endurance, writing skills, even their time management executive functioning skills. There are also many conversations we have that bring about disagreements. In my classroom, disagreements come with rules because for them, it needs to be a place of trust. After all, they are still learning, despite them thinking they don’t English classes in high school. It’s a promise I make to them on day 1 of school and it takes time to build the trust but when it’s there, students trust me to keep debates and disagreements free from judgement, free from name calling, free from bullying, free from all the nastiness. At the end of those discussions I remind them that this rarely happens online. It’s not meant to be a scare tactic, it’s meant to protect them from the lawlessness of the online world.

It’s advice I should haven taken for myself.

Recently I questioned a post on Instagram by a well-known Christian entrepreneur, life coach, writer, etc. which led to an onslaught of his devote followers to start slinging their arrows. I thought I would take my own advice, you know the advice I give my students,”ignore and scroll on.” However, with this post, I choose not to ignore and scroll on, I engaged – and by engaging, I questioned the other side of the story. I refused to take his post at face-value.

From that question alone, I began to carry my cross.

Names like “devil’s advocate” and “satan’s worker” became my labels. It didn’t feel good. His crowd of followers brought into question my faith. I know where I stand in my walk with Christ and I never surround myself with people whereby I need to justify that relationship, especially online. Yet, here I stood fighting off their arrows. Then I took one more arrow than I could handle. The simple pierce of the tip had me teetering on the edge of a dark depression that I know all too well. I felt like one more word would send me into that darkness and I didn’t want to go there, so without any more words or justifications, I walked away. That didn’t make them stop.

Four days later, their new words included, “coward” “too scared to fight” “If you are truly a Christian, you wouldn’t have questioned and then walked away.” The grace of one follower sent me a DM explaining the other side of the story and apologized for giving into the mob mentality. I appreciated her reaching out and responded cautiously.

I shared this experience with my students so they could see that even as an adult, I made a bad decision, didn’t follow my own advice, and suffered the consequences.

I continue to teach my students to question everything. Never take something you read, especially online, at face-value. Research. Read more. Look at both sides. Most importantly, I never allow my students to apologize for asking questions. In a trusted space, questions are welcomed, questions are learning opportunities.

Should I have done my own research before engaging online? Yes.

Should I have walked away without engaging? Possibly.

Should I have checked my armor for cracks before treading into a territory, that I know from past experience, could lead to a fight? Yes.

Did I expect this treatment from fellow Christians? Never.

So will I take my own advice in the future and remember that engaging online is very much like swimming farther into the ocean than your comfortable with, because you could be in trouble very quickly? Possibly…if I have a life vest.

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Feeling like a static character?

The number one way readers judge characters is by how much they change. Do they change, or are they static? Most characters must change, especially the main character, but what about others characters in a story? Do they all change? No matter how slight of a shift, all characters should change. If they don’t, they risk not being in the story.

Static characters got me thinking about writing and writing habits. Has your writing changed over these last few years? Have your habits remained static? Is the thought of writing word after word too heavy? If so, how do we push or pull ourselves out of this rut? 

We must start by being honest. Ask yourself these questions and take time to ponder them: 

  1. Have you weighed yourself down with studying the craft of writing to the point of never putting it into practice? Learning the art of writing is essential. It must never stop, but it must not prevent you from starting or restarting your writing. I tell my students that we can study all week long, but we have to put what we are learning into practice at some point. It’s the only way to evolve. 
  2. Who is sitting at your table? In other words, who surrounds you? Are you feeding those around you more than you are feeding yourself? Are others starving you? Are the people you spend time with and energy on a time suck? It’s a tricky question to answer, and it can be painful. Too often, we find it easy to put others and their needs before our own. If you find yourself in one of these roles, it becomes even more tricky: a parent, a spouse, a caretaker, a teacher, a mentor, or a coach. These roles make it hard for us to find and take care of ourselves or our writing careers. We feel guilting saying ‘no’ to others to the point of sacrificing our dreams and energy. Writing requires creating boundaries. If you continue offering your time [and energy] helping others achieve their dreams, that book or blog may never come to reality.  Note: I am not saying don’t take care of your children or elderly parents or a loved one that needs your help, but you should find carve out some time for yourself and writing – trust me, it’ll be hard at first, but rewarding in the end. 
  3. Are you consistent and disciplined? Discipline and consistency – two keys to a fulfilled writing life. You must be intentional with your writing and your time. Show up to the page no matter what! If you have the best ideas and your energy is high early in the morning before the world around awakes, set the alarm, get up, splash some water on your face, drink some water or coffee or tea and sit down to write. Even if it’s too early for the screen, show up for the page. I love writing with a good ol’ BiC ballpoint pen or pencil on paper. It’s less strain on my eyes. Once you begin to show up, be disciplined and consistent, I guarantee you’ll feel a shift. Tip: plan out the night before what you want to write. It’s takes away the distraction or the temptation to procrastinate. 
  4. What frightens you? For years I was afraid. I was fearful of what others thought about my writing. In the last few years, I’ve matured enough to know that I wasted too much time worrying about letting others down that I can confidently say I’ve let my characters down. I’ve let my ideas down. I let myself down. It has nothing to do with other people; it has everything to do with yourself. I know this sounds selfish, but after all, you are writing a story because something happened to you or you have something to say. Get it on paper. Find some trustworthy sets of eyes to read what you write. Now you may be thinking I’m too afraid to share what I write because ‘what if someone steals my ideas or my words?’ Most writers I know, I trust. I have a small circle of writer friends that I send work to because we’ve built trust. How? We’ve met at several writing retreats, we write in different genres (same age group), and we encourage each other through the hard times. I’ve removed the fear of someone stealing my story or ideas. Yes, this is a valid concern! However, it shouldn’t stop you from sharing your work when you need professional and honest feedback (this comes back to point #2, you may need to find a new table). So again, assess what is scaring you from getting your work out in the real world. I won’t go into the traditional v self-publishing debate but work on conquering your fears so your stories can find a home in someone else’s hands.
  5. Do you start and stop? I am a chronic starter. I am an ideas person. I tried to blame it on my Gemini nature, but one day I laid out all the manuscripts I have started on my bed. These stacks of unfinished works took up a queen-size bed. The number of unfinished manuscripts was staggering! Talk about a slap-in-the-face dose of reality. I sat in that mess. I owned that mess. Once the self-berating emotions stopped, I made a pivot. I took sticky notes and began to write the good qualities of each manuscript, along with being honest about why I stopped. Some didn’t work. Others, I lost interest in the storyline. Some got stuck with too many plot holes, and I couldn’t find a way to fix them. In the end, there were less than four that I put aside. These are the ones I genuinely want to see published. Sometimes, we have to face the mess and begin to clean it up. If you are a chronic starter, it’s time to get honest with yourself. Ask yourself, why do I start and not finish? Am I a perfectionist, which is nothing more than fear in disguise? Do I have a genuine interest in writing? Do I have depression or ADD, something that is physically stopping me from producing a project? These are all valid reasons why people quit. You first need to face it head-on and ask for guidance or help. 

Every little change will evolve you from being a static writer to a productive writer. Most importantly, I want you to be gentle with yourself. We all make mistakes. We all trip and stumble and fall. Don’t quit on your writing! Don’t quit on your writing dreams!

Which one will you focus on to help you get out of a writing rut? If you have other helpful hints to move out of a slump, please share! After all, writing is a journey meant to be shared.

Be sure to check out my Writers on Task journal. This simple, easy-to-follow journal can keep you moving towards your writing goals.

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Face Everything And Rise Mindset

In the past, I wrote about the many acronyms for the word fear. The one I specifically wrote about was “False Evidence Appearing Real.” While there is truth to this acronym, I am shifting my mindset to realizing that FEAR should mean “Face Everything And Rise.”

Reframing how one looks at fear can have profound positive effects on one’s ability to push harder toward one’s goals. When we realize the power of facing our fears, we transform an obstacle into an opportunity for growth. Each fear we push past provides a stepping stone toward our most authentic potential. 

How do we embrace this new perspective: 

  1. Acknowledge the fear. Denying a fear gives it power. Write down what you are afraid of and acknowledge its presence. Are you afraid of failure? Are you afraid of upsetting someone? Are you afraid to put your needs ahead of those you love? Are you afraid to make a career change? Are you afraid to give up drinking? Are you afraid of not being perfect? Regardless of how big or small this fear you are holding on to and feeding, it does not matter. The moment you acknowledge its presence is enough to make a shift toward liberation. 
  2. Analyze the source. This part can sometimes be painful as we move towards the root. Finding the root means looking at past experiences, familial or societal pressures, or self-doubt. Find the negative experience and reframe the situation to learn the lesson. Side note: I firmly believe that certain things will keep repeating until the lesson is learned. So, what can you learn from this experience that has your fear firmly rooted in you? 
  3. Take that first step (and small ones after that). Facing everything and rise doesn’t mean diving into the deep end. Take incremental steps toward your goals. I’ll use my fear of public speaking. I started by speaking in front of a small group. Gradually, I began to increase the audience size, and I felt the confidence building. I’m still acclimating, and it’s still nerve-wracking right before I have to speak, but once I get going, I find my nerves settling in for a conversation.  
  4. Celebrate. Every time you face a fear and rise above it, celebrate your achievement. Recognizing your progress reinforces the positive mindset and motivates you to tackle more challenges. Keep a journal of your successes to remind yourself of your strength and resilience.

When you adopt the “Face Everything and Rise mindset,” fear becomes the catalyst for growth. You’ll develop resilience, gain confidence, and expand your comfort zone. Shifting your mindset about fear from avoidance to empowerment can transform your life. 

I hope you can try to embrace the concept of “Face Everything and Rise” to confront your fears head-on and use them as opportunities for growth. Remember, the path to your authentic self often lies on the other side of fear.

Up next on the blog: It’s time to check your surroundings! We are talking about how to take account of who is in your circle. Friends, family, colleagues…if they aren’t inspiring you to be creative, it’s a cage, not a circle!

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Pause

Putting this blog on pause while I reconnect, refocus, and clarify my purpose.

Thank you for your patience!

I’ll be back shortly…