Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Overcome one…overcome many

This summer, I was determined to overcome one fear. Though it may not seem like a huge goal, it was necessary to me and my anxious brain. In my Summer of Love series, I explored moving from a scarcity mindset to one of abundance. While this mindset shift remains a work in progress, overcoming this one fear was achievable, and I could obtain it rather quickly. 

About three years ago, I attempted to climb to the highest point in the Smoky Mountains. I let my fear get the best of me and missed spectacular views. As we planned to return this year, I couldn’t let this opportunity pass me again. I enlisted the help of my fearless son and told him under no circumstances was he to allow me to back down. One way or another, I was getting to the top of Clingman’s Dome. 

With each passing day, I grew more and more excited. When we reached the base of the ramp to get up to the observation deck, we began the climb. With my son in front of me leading my path, my hand gripped tightly to one of the straps on his camera bag. I kept my eyes fixed on the pavement under my feet. Once I got up to the observation deck, I let go of my son and sat on the bench in the middle. The crowded deck contained brave people who took the nervous journey as I did and others who didn’t possess an ounce of fear. 

I soaked in the sights of the clear sunny summer day. I eventually stood up, grabbed the handlebar, and looked as far as I could to the east and west. I strolled around, bringing myself closer and closer to the edge. I found my husband sitting down below. He was gracious enough to take this picture. Sitting there, he thought, “If she can do it, I can do it too.” Within a few minutes, he was by my side, and we basked in the sights of the Great Smoky Mountains together. We celebrated each other’s success in overcoming this fear. 

This picture is the one I want forever framed in my brain and tattooed on my heart. This is the day I rewired the neuropathways of anxiety to achievement. I am so excited about what fear I will overcome next. 

Take small steps each day. Living with anxiety is not easy; if you find anxiety is prevailing, seek help. There are so many free resources out there offering you ways to heal. Here are a few that I have used: 

As always, talking about anxiety and fear is essential. Let’s keep the conversation going. Have you been able to overcome a fear? If so, what steps did you take to do so, and have you used it as a catalyst to overcome others? Please drop a comment below or visit me on my Instagram page to comment. 

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Day 10

I am moving into week two of shifting my mindset and opening myself up to self-love. Opening up to self-love is not the same as becoming a narcissist. It’s simply opening up to self-forgiveness and letting go of the person I once was ~ a person full of fear and smallness.

If we want to become a more positive energy in this world, we must ditch self-defeating talk and thought patterns. A lack of self-love led me to isolate my God-given gift of writing from the world. It has made me a people pleaser, always caring for others while putting myself and my time at the bottom. Doing this for several years made me resentful. It exhausted me. It’s distracted me from my true calling in life. It made me small. So small that I could never believe that I deserved to dream big or feel I was worthy of big blessings in life ~ it was just a new form of that scarcity mindset. And now that I am facing turning 50, it’s time to reverse this trend. It’s time to learn to love myself as God has designed me.

To start reversing the adverse effects, I must take the next few days and begin the deep dive (again) into how this smallness has made me bypass opportunities, how this smallness has made me afraid to take risks, and how I allowed the scarcity mindset to keep me in this endless loop of stagnation.

I will specifically journal the following prompts while keeping in mind what the bible says about forgiveness: 

  • Where have I been limiting myself?  
  • What have I asked for and received? 
  • What have I received and squandered away?
  • What doors have I consciously shut? 
  • What opportunities have been presented to me that I wasn’t qualified, talented, or intelligent enough for? 
  • Am I willing to take responsibility for this scarcity mindset? 
  • Am I willing to take responsibility and ask God for forgiveness? 

Forgiveness restores broken relationships (Genesis 50:17). 

Forgiveness is a path to love (Luke 7:47). 

Forgiveness precedes healing (Luke 5:17-26). 

God tells us to forgive instead of seeking revenge or bearing a grudge (Leviticus 19:18).

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Days 6-9

I took a break from daily blogging to be present with family during my father’s internment at the Veteran’s Memorial Cemetery. The service was deeply emotional, from the music, the flag presentation to my mom, and the eulogies my sisters and I gave – a lot of emotion that day. 

For the first time in my life, I was unafraid to speak in front of people. There was a lot of family there but also multiple unfamiliar faces. My emotions were running high from the service, which made speaking feel next to impossible. My hands were shaking from holding the paper of my written narrative. Everyone was patient. Everyone understood that I had to pause numerous times to catch my breath, but I pushed through. The pain and sorrow mauled my words and chopped up my sentences, but if anything, I showed my authentic self in a vulnerable space. To me, that takes great courage. 

I wish anyone facing a hard time and showing up with their true vulnerable self on display to understand that we honor you for not hiding your emotions. Too often, we wear masks to hide the ugliness of perceived notions that crying or depression, or anxiety are traits of weakness—quite the opposite. Showing up despite the emotions that can pin you in bed or leave your feet firmly planted where you stand is a testament to your strength. Show up. Show up vulnerable. Show up maskless. We all need your bravery. 

In keeping with this series of overcoming my anxieties and shifting my mindset, there wasn’t a scarcity mindset to be found these last few days. All the love, the hugs, the words of comfort, and the reminder that that’s what family is for were abundant. An abundance of love surrounded me. 

My father’s eulogy will be posted on my social media pages in the upcoming days if you wish to read it. 

Choose love today! 

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Day 5

When fear drives your mindset, you fear upsetting those you love. You worry they will be angry, leave you, or think less of you. When you think about it, this is an unfair punishment. After all, if I can give others multiple opportunities to make right a wrong, why don’t I do that for myself? It’s hypocritical in that sense.

I’m also learning that not forgiving myself is at the root of that scarcity mindset because I tell myself that I am not worthy of forgiveness. I am not worthy of being afforded the chance to make up for a mistake. I am not good enough for someone to love me because of my mistakes. I have woven this scarcity mindset so deep into who I am; I have no one to blame but myself.

If I have no one to blame but myself, I am the only one that can forgive me. Therefore, for the next few days of this Summer of Love series, I am entering into a state of forgiving myself. I forgive myself for the scarcity mindset and for making myself small.

“…be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32).

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Day 4

My morning mindset: I begin my day with gratitude and release all fears of scarcity and stagnant energy. Focusing on gratitude is reconnecting me to love. God did not make me fearful. God made me in His image, and His image is love. 

As I continue being honest about my fears, I am taking each day to look for growth opportunities. After all, fear is an opportunity for growth. 

Making a generalized list of people and things I am grateful for has always felt incomplete, which could be one of the reasons why I stopped making lists; however, if you are a quick list person – great! It is a great daily habit if you only take a few minutes and list your x-amount of things/people you are thankful for, but right now, I am going deeper to rewire and rewrite my narrative. 

I used to be that positive person, the one who would always chime in with a positive outlook ~ that was me, and I was proud to be that person. I miss that version of me. When did I become pessimistic? I think it started with some undiagnosed depression and hormonal imbalances. I also remember many years passing by when I lacked purpose. I felt exhausted, always being “positive” or “cheerful,” and making a daily gratitude list was hard in those days. I eventually gave in to that defeat and stopped. 

Fast forward to today, this is what my list is shaping up to look like, and it’s working for me. It’s giving me that deep meaning that I’ve been craving: 

Fear: I am fearful that I will not be able to make it through my father’s eulogy without sobbing. 

Gratitude Response: I am honored to speak of my father’s love and legacy. My family loves me, and they, too, are grieving. Crying is a form of healing. 

Fear: I am not healthy. 

Gratitude Response: While I have work to do, I am grateful to have access to healthy foods and safe exercise trails. Restoring my health will take time and discipline ~ have patience. 

Fear: Money is scarce, and I do not handle it well/smartly. I was never good at math and did not understand investing. 

Gratitude Response: I haven’t always been great with money, but now I am learning about investments and working on disciplined spending. 

I feel more authentic making a list this way. I feel a little closer to my old pleasant self. Yes, I am only four into this 30-day journey, but each day is a new opportunity to grow in love. Try this method if making a quick bulleted list makes you feel less than complete. 

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Day 3

When I was a child, I used to think that when people argued in a restaurant, I would see a table flipped over with scattered food and drinks. It would be exciting. Not so exciting for those who would be left to clean up the mess, but it’s got me thinking about how dramatically the story changed once someone flipped that table. 

Similarly, I am flipping my fears to change my story dramatically. While in this process of inverting my mindset, I am going through a wide range of emotions. I have to constantly remind myself that I am not to confuse excitement with fear. My mind automatically defaults to fear, just like specific physical symptoms invoke anxiety and panic in me. It has taken me months of work to rewire my brain to know that those symptoms are nothing more than pent-up energy that needs to be released. 

In the same process, I am rewiring my brain and rewriting my narrative that when I have thoughts of scarcity, I will replace them with thoughts of abundance and love. 

I am also weaving gratitude into my abundance practice. I’ve kept journals of gratitude before, but they were on the surface level. I never entirely went deep for gratitude. So my list looked like this: I am grateful for waking up, my family, the person who helped me at school, my home, my parents, etc. Now that I am beginning to trust that gratitude is more substantial than fear, my list is changing.  

What I am grateful for this morning: 

I am grateful that the sunrise wakes me up warmly, softly, rather than a panic-inducing alarm.

I am grateful to have clean air to fill my lungs when breathing deeply.

I am grateful to be surrounded by my family’s love while writing my Father’s eulogy. 

I am grateful to have access to God’s word and presence daily. 

Today’s prayer: God, I release my scarcity mindset and anxious energy and replace it with love and gratitude for all the blessings you have given me. 

“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we eat? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and he will give you everything you need. So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” (Matthew 6: 31-24).

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Do you take your own advice?

Last month, I dished out a lot “advice” for how to get yourself and your writing moving forward rather than staying static. In my classroom, I also give students “suggestions” (aka advice) for how to improve their reading endurance, writing skills, even their time management executive functioning skills. There are also many conversations we have that bring about disagreements. In my classroom, disagreements come with rules because for them, it needs to be a place of trust. After all, they are still learning, despite them thinking they don’t English classes in high school. It’s a promise I make to them on day 1 of school and it takes time to build the trust but when it’s there, students trust me to keep debates and disagreements free from judgement, free from name calling, free from bullying, free from all the nastiness. At the end of those discussions I remind them that this rarely happens online. It’s not meant to be a scare tactic, it’s meant to protect them from the lawlessness of the online world.

It’s advice I should haven taken for myself.

Recently I questioned a post on Instagram by a well-known Christian entrepreneur, life coach, writer, etc. which led to an onslaught of his devote followers to start slinging their arrows. I thought I would take my own advice, you know the advice I give my students,”ignore and scroll on.” However, with this post, I choose not to ignore and scroll on, I engaged – and by engaging, I questioned the other side of the story. I refused to take his post at face-value.

From that question alone, I began to carry my cross.

Names like “devil’s advocate” and “satan’s worker” became my labels. It didn’t feel good. His crowd of followers brought into question my faith. I know where I stand in my walk with Christ and I never surround myself with people whereby I need to justify that relationship, especially online. Yet, here I stood fighting off their arrows. Then I took one more arrow than I could handle. The simple pierce of the tip had me teetering on the edge of a dark depression that I know all too well. I felt like one more word would send me into that darkness and I didn’t want to go there, so without any more words or justifications, I walked away. That didn’t make them stop.

Four days later, their new words included, “coward” “too scared to fight” “If you are truly a Christian, you wouldn’t have questioned and then walked away.” The grace of one follower sent me a DM explaining the other side of the story and apologized for giving into the mob mentality. I appreciated her reaching out and responded cautiously.

I shared this experience with my students so they could see that even as an adult, I made a bad decision, didn’t follow my own advice, and suffered the consequences.

I continue to teach my students to question everything. Never take something you read, especially online, at face-value. Research. Read more. Look at both sides. Most importantly, I never allow my students to apologize for asking questions. In a trusted space, questions are welcomed, questions are learning opportunities.

Should I have done my own research before engaging online? Yes.

Should I have walked away without engaging? Possibly.

Should I have checked my armor for cracks before treading into a territory, that I know from past experience, could lead to a fight? Yes.

Did I expect this treatment from fellow Christians? Never.

So will I take my own advice in the future and remember that engaging online is very much like swimming farther into the ocean than your comfortable with, because you could be in trouble very quickly? Possibly…if I have a life vest.

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Feeling like a static character?

The number one way readers judge characters is by how much they change. Do they change, or are they static? Most characters must change, especially the main character, but what about others characters in a story? Do they all change? No matter how slight of a shift, all characters should change. If they don’t, they risk not being in the story.

Static characters got me thinking about writing and writing habits. Has your writing changed over these last few years? Have your habits remained static? Is the thought of writing word after word too heavy? If so, how do we push or pull ourselves out of this rut? 

We must start by being honest. Ask yourself these questions and take time to ponder them: 

  1. Have you weighed yourself down with studying the craft of writing to the point of never putting it into practice? Learning the art of writing is essential. It must never stop, but it must not prevent you from starting or restarting your writing. I tell my students that we can study all week long, but we have to put what we are learning into practice at some point. It’s the only way to evolve. 
  2. Who is sitting at your table? In other words, who surrounds you? Are you feeding those around you more than you are feeding yourself? Are others starving you? Are the people you spend time with and energy on a time suck? It’s a tricky question to answer, and it can be painful. Too often, we find it easy to put others and their needs before our own. If you find yourself in one of these roles, it becomes even more tricky: a parent, a spouse, a caretaker, a teacher, a mentor, or a coach. These roles make it hard for us to find and take care of ourselves or our writing careers. We feel guilting saying ‘no’ to others to the point of sacrificing our dreams and energy. Writing requires creating boundaries. If you continue offering your time [and energy] helping others achieve their dreams, that book or blog may never come to reality.  Note: I am not saying don’t take care of your children or elderly parents or a loved one that needs your help, but you should find carve out some time for yourself and writing – trust me, it’ll be hard at first, but rewarding in the end. 
  3. Are you consistent and disciplined? Discipline and consistency – two keys to a fulfilled writing life. You must be intentional with your writing and your time. Show up to the page no matter what! If you have the best ideas and your energy is high early in the morning before the world around awakes, set the alarm, get up, splash some water on your face, drink some water or coffee or tea and sit down to write. Even if it’s too early for the screen, show up for the page. I love writing with a good ol’ BiC ballpoint pen or pencil on paper. It’s less strain on my eyes. Once you begin to show up, be disciplined and consistent, I guarantee you’ll feel a shift. Tip: plan out the night before what you want to write. It’s takes away the distraction or the temptation to procrastinate. 
  4. What frightens you? For years I was afraid. I was fearful of what others thought about my writing. In the last few years, I’ve matured enough to know that I wasted too much time worrying about letting others down that I can confidently say I’ve let my characters down. I’ve let my ideas down. I let myself down. It has nothing to do with other people; it has everything to do with yourself. I know this sounds selfish, but after all, you are writing a story because something happened to you or you have something to say. Get it on paper. Find some trustworthy sets of eyes to read what you write. Now you may be thinking I’m too afraid to share what I write because ‘what if someone steals my ideas or my words?’ Most writers I know, I trust. I have a small circle of writer friends that I send work to because we’ve built trust. How? We’ve met at several writing retreats, we write in different genres (same age group), and we encourage each other through the hard times. I’ve removed the fear of someone stealing my story or ideas. Yes, this is a valid concern! However, it shouldn’t stop you from sharing your work when you need professional and honest feedback (this comes back to point #2, you may need to find a new table). So again, assess what is scaring you from getting your work out in the real world. I won’t go into the traditional v self-publishing debate but work on conquering your fears so your stories can find a home in someone else’s hands.
  5. Do you start and stop? I am a chronic starter. I am an ideas person. I tried to blame it on my Gemini nature, but one day I laid out all the manuscripts I have started on my bed. These stacks of unfinished works took up a queen-size bed. The number of unfinished manuscripts was staggering! Talk about a slap-in-the-face dose of reality. I sat in that mess. I owned that mess. Once the self-berating emotions stopped, I made a pivot. I took sticky notes and began to write the good qualities of each manuscript, along with being honest about why I stopped. Some didn’t work. Others, I lost interest in the storyline. Some got stuck with too many plot holes, and I couldn’t find a way to fix them. In the end, there were less than four that I put aside. These are the ones I genuinely want to see published. Sometimes, we have to face the mess and begin to clean it up. If you are a chronic starter, it’s time to get honest with yourself. Ask yourself, why do I start and not finish? Am I a perfectionist, which is nothing more than fear in disguise? Do I have a genuine interest in writing? Do I have depression or ADD, something that is physically stopping me from producing a project? These are all valid reasons why people quit. You first need to face it head-on and ask for guidance or help. 

Every little change will evolve you from being a static writer to a productive writer. Most importantly, I want you to be gentle with yourself. We all make mistakes. We all trip and stumble and fall. Don’t quit on your writing! Don’t quit on your writing dreams!

Which one will you focus on to help you get out of a writing rut? If you have other helpful hints to move out of a slump, please share! After all, writing is a journey meant to be shared.

Be sure to check out my Writers on Task journal. This simple, easy-to-follow journal can keep you moving towards your writing goals.