Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Leaning in…

I cannot believe I haven’t blogged since Christmas time! I drafted several blog posts, but what I wrote didn’t feel fitting. One day it’ll be the right time, but right now, I’m exploring new territory with my writing and creating. I am looking at my writing with a new lens in this new space. I’m trying to find my voice and my stride. It takes much more discipline these days and a lot of consciousness, but the rewards of being deliberate with my time and aware of positive and negative influences bring me closer to my voice.

I am about to branch out into the side hustle world, and while I’m getting things ready to launch, my writing is expanding past my creative and teaching boundaries. I still love playing with words in a creative space. I still love the basics of academic and technical writing I model for my students. And it’s all happening on paper.

That’s right! I have returned to writing on paper. Not only is it less distracting and easier on my eyes, but it’s also grounding. It could also be the tactile experience that I am enjoying. And writing on paper slows me down – something both my body and brain need. Going slower has been a goal of mine since my time on leave last fall. We live in a rushed world, and when I don’t slow down and step off the proverbial hamster wheel, it negatively affects my mind, body, and soul; returning to pen and paper is healing.

I noticed that writing on paper, besides my messy handwriting, there is less pressure to get each and every word just right. That burden of making every word just right is nothing more than a form of perfectionism, which is why many writers fail to achieve goals. Typing to get every word right was an unconscious block for making progress. With handwriting, I’m also pushing past the urge to rewrite what I worked on the day before. It’s Newton’s law of motion – consciously moving my hand and thoughts forward keeps me moving forward. Another reason for writing by hand is the focus. My focus has severely declined over the last decade. It’s not just age (approaching 50); it’s the mental decline due to endless hours of zombie scrolling and zoning out on my phone and tablet. Yes, phones are great. Heck, I used to work for a mobile app company. So I get it. I actually love playing with technology, but it’s beginning to come at a price. Writing by hand genuinely strengthens my ability to calm my mind and body, allowing me enough stored energy to focus my thoughts to a satisfying conclusion. As my brain carefully considers each letter, word, or phrase, I gain more stamina to push out invading thoughts. Lastly, writing by hand improves my ability to express myself more authentically and allows me to communicate more complex ideas. It’s like a more profound sense of critical thinking. While it also serves as a blank playground where thoughts can expand and grow beyond the page.

In addition to writing on paper, I have been consciously practicing leaning into what brings me joy, energizes me, and makes me feel authentic. I also pay close attention to what depletes me and negatively impacts me. Whether it comes from food, news, the people around me, text messages, music, or my surroundings. They offer one thing: positive or negative energy. If I get sucked into the negative, I excuse myself and walk away or pivot my thoughts or the conversation to something more neutral or positive. Negative energy is sticky energy. It’s like pollen. It sticks to EVERYTHING! It often feels light, but it quickly becomes a weighty burden. This is where boundaries come into play. They are essential to establish. If you are a people pleaser, boundaries are difficult to practice but are critical to your well-being. By leaning into the good and the bad, I (re)learn more about myself and become more confident in protecting all that brings me joy without apologizing.

Just like life, writing is a journey. Some days are trying. Some days are smooth. Self-discovery is also a journey. Creating the life you want is 100% controllable by you. Therefore, I invite you on this journey with me because, as my tagline states, journies are meant to be shared.

I’d love to hear what journey you are on currently. Please drop a comment below, and let’s have a conversation.

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

COVID, Christmas, and Creativity

There were three weeks after Thanksgiving break until winter break. I had hoped and prayed that I could make it through; after all, it was only three weeks. However, I spent half of those three weeks battling COVID. It was my first bout of COVID, and I hope it will be my last. The coughing felt like knives in my chest and throat while the rest of my body ached from fighting a fever, eventually leading to shivering and sweating. The congestion was choking me, and I was desperate for nothing more than ice water. It was misery. My doctor said she hadn’t seen someone with a severe case in a while, and I had it bad. Unfortunately, the antiviral meds gave me night terrors, so I stopped them immediately. Sleep was my friend, and I was desperate to protect it, even if it meant missing out on several hockey games, interactions with family, and life in general, especially Christmas shopping and planning. By day seven, I slowly began to feel sort of human again. I could do essential functions around the house, but they would leave me exhausted.

I should be enjoying this time of year, but I’m struggling with the preparations this year. I’m trying to understand why my parasympathetic system goes haywire whenever a virus attacks my body. When I finally feel better physically, the anxiety returns with a vengeance. I am not as bad as in the fall with panic attacks, but that old familiar anxiousness vibrates through my body. I rely on the tools I learned to keep the panic at arm’s length. Christmas music helps. Now that I can breathe without coughing fits, I’m forcing myself to sing along. It allows me to quiet the anxious vibrations. We will have a house full of family on Christmas Eve, and I refuse to let anxiety ruin my time with them. It’s not often that we get together like this, so I will ask for help and allow others to help; I will excuse myself at/around 10 PM to head into bed because rest is a non-negotiable for my health and wellness. Christmas’s busyness will not exhaust me; I am the only one who will exhaust me. My husband knows this about me and will protect me, even when I’m the cause. Just the other day, he watched me fighting sleep when it was what my body needed. I was determined to stay awake and make it to our son’s hockey game. He looked at me and said, “stop being stubborn and get up to bed now. You need to rest.” His support lifts that self-imposed weight I place on myself. A moment like this makes me appreciate how well we know and respect each other.

Besides family, Christmas, and time off from work/school, I love this time to curl up in front of the tree and write. Christmastime always gifts me with creativity. It’s often the last of the year rush to get more words released like I’m making up for procrastination days or, in this case, writing days lost to COVID. It could be simply the warmth of the house from all the decorations. Whatever it is, I have a fountain of creativity flowing, and each year, I am more determined not to let the busyness of work and life take precedence over my writing. So I capitalize on this time and let the creativity flow onto the pages. I am excited about what I have planned for 2023 for my writing journey, and I cannot wait to share it with you. Together we will go from page to page on a writing journey where we will nurture a tiny seed of an idea into a relatable world full of characters that take on life and all of its twists and turns.

For now, I wish you all a Merry Christmas! May you be blessed with joy, warmth, good health, creativity, and peace. ~Denise

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Give Yourself Permission to Pause

The other day when I was watching tv with Chris, I asked him to pause the show while I ran upstairs to check on dinner. Why is it second nature for us to ask someone to “press pause when a show is playing,” but when we need a pause for our health, we hesitate, or worse, we keep life going in fast-forward motion? 

Last week, I skipped this blog because I ran out of steam. I returned to work last week and while the welcome back was warm and full of hugs, laughs, tears, and genuinely kind words, I didn’t have the energy to write this post. And guess what? That’s ok. I hit the pause button rather than pushing through.

Even this past Monday, after three days at work, I had to call out because I woke up with a fever, body aches, and deep congestion. I showered, got ready for work, and had all intentions of getting into school and teaching throughout the day. Then I sat down and paused for a moment. I leaned in and listened to my body. Within that brief moment, I realized how sick I’d become. Flu, RSV, COVID, and so many “unnamed” viruses are floating around in school. After I whipped out sub plans, I read through eight emails from students who all were around me last week and are now home with the flu. 

I also know my body does not do well when the weather changes. These last few days, we had the air conditioning back on. Yeah, let that sink in. It’s November. The air conditioning is on! The heat was on two weeks ago, and we’re about to turn it back on later this week when it’ll be in the forties at night. Anyways, as crazy as the weather is and the crazy amount of stuff floating around school, I’d inevitably get sick.   

Being sick doesn’t mean that you are weak. Is it an inconvenience? Yes. For teachers, I know it poses a problem with so few subs working this year. But when we are sick, it forces us to pause. Therefore, I encourage you to look at the positive, even if you feel miserable. 

I want you to imagine what you would feel like if you hit the pause button more often when you are not sick:   

  • Take time for yourself.
  • Take time for your family or for those you love dearly. 
  • Take time for your goals.
  • Take time for your dreams! 
  • Take time to be present. 
  • Take time to pray. 
  • Take time in nature. 

The list is endless! Just promise me that before the busyness of the holidays and the flu and cold season force you to pause, you hit the pause button without guilt.  

I’d love to hear from you! Share how you know when it’s time to hit pause and what you do during your pause.

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

“Can we fix it? Yes! We Can!” Building a Mental Health Toolbox for Anxiety

Writing through Anxiety Blog Series #4

If I needed to borrow a tool, would you lend it to me? Some people will say sure, while others will not. People are very protective of their tools. Some have good reasons, like their tools never being returned or returned too many years too late. Hopefully, the tools I’m giving you today will help you build a toolbox you can use and give to someone else in need. I wish I could fix anxiety with panic disorder with just one tool, but thankfully, we are in an age where we have so many tools at our fingertips and so many good neighbors willing to share their tools 🙂  

Over these last few weeks, I’ve been writing about my recent anxiety and panic disorder that led me to go out on FMLA status from teaching. Today, we are discussing ways we can move through anxiety with the purpose of building a toolbox. 

To start, I want you to declare that your anxiety will no longer have power over you and the things you want to enjoy in life. This declaration can be a simple whisper to yourself, a written statement, or shouted (literally shouted from your gut) outside in nature. A positive, powerful mentality is essential. 

As a reminder, I’ve encouraged you since Blog 1 in this series to find your support people. Having a circle of support around you is crucial during this time. This community should surround you with love, understanding, and patience. Remember, healing never takes place in isolation. 

Now let’s talk about a toolbox. Remember Bob the Builder? “Can we fix it? Yes, we can!” Bob the Builder was a popular tv series whereby Bob and his pals (aka his community) solved problems with a positive attitude (mindset) and used all sorts of tools to fix things. Note: I am fully aware this is an animated, imaginary world full of positivity for children. However, that doesn’t mean we should discredit it and not apply it to our anxiety and debilitating panic. And I’m not downplaying the severity of anxiety or panic disorder. I know what it’s like to be in the ER for panic attacks.

First, healing anxiety relies on all the tools we have to assist us through the pain. What tools do I have in my arsenal? Prayer, Bible reading, meditation, breathing exercises, body tapping, walking, hypnotherapy, writing, and many conversations with my support circle. And as of last week, I mentioned using medications. Due to the severity of the side effects and being in a consistent state of feeling simultaneously drunk and hungover, I recently decided to stop the meds. I’m trying everything I can to stay holistic because that works best for my body. There is no judgment here, and you should NEVER feel ashamed if you include medications in your toolbox. 

Building a toolbox requires understanding how and why anxiety happens in the body. For me, it’s rarely thought-provoking anxiety, but I do have some thoughts that can trigger anxiety; however, not many. It’s a physical response to the stress in my world. So I recently learned about “leaning” into the pain and accepting that my body is sounding an alarm. It’s crying for attention. All the old habits and the physical pain stored deep in our cells comes to the surface in the form of anxiety and panic. When I feel heart palpitations or tension in my chest or shoulders, I stop what I am doing and place my hand on the part of my body where I feel the reaction happening. So if it’s that choking feeling, I gently put my hand on my throat area, take a 2- or 3-second breath and exhale twice the amount while quietly telling myself, “I am safe, or just simply ask my anxiety what it needs.” If I have to do this sitting down, walking around, or swaying side to side, that’s what I do. It doesn’t take it away, but it lessens the intensity. If you are interested in more of this type of technique, search “somatic therapy.” 

I also walk every day. Even on rainy days, I somehow manage to walk at least 2 miles outside. I invested in base layers of clothing to have zero excuses for not getting outdoors as the temperatures drop. It’s fall in Virginia which means it’s cold in the mornings and warmer in the afternoons. During my FMLA time, I have taken to doing sunrise walks. I love watching the sunrise at 7:20 every morning. There is something so peaceful about the rising sun and the colors of the leaves. I even found a rock to sit on under a canopy of yellow maple trees. The leaves are truly spectacular this time of the year. As a side note, I am not a runner, but on some mornings, when I feel a lot of built-up tension or vibrations in my chest, I do a slow run for a mile. I did two miles the other day because my body needed to move quickly, and it helped me release some deep breathing. 

Meditation. Most people believe you must empty your mind to meditate effectively. I beg to differ. Our minds inherently think. By nature, this is how they are wired. So why do we expect them to stop thinking while meditating or going into a state of quiet rest? Years ago, I learned to hear the thought but not follow it. So I often say, “don’t go down the rabbit hole.” If you are trying to quiet your mind and suddenly remember that you need to buy frozen peas and carrots, thank your brain for the reminder but don’t start building a grocery list. Return to your quiet mind and visualize where your breath is needed in your body to heal. For example, I imagine the inhale filling up my chest with clean air and the exhale expels the stress from my body. After a few clean breaths, I move on to another body part. I do this for about 3-5 minutes. That’s it. 

Body tapping is a fantastic exercise. I learned body tapping almost 20 years ago! I recently appreciated the benefits of knowing how to do body tapping during this latest episode of panic. I’ve recommitted to ensuring I go with some form of tapping during the day. As shown in the video listed below, you don’t have to tap your entire body; you can focus on the upper body to help relieve anxiety’s stagnant energy. I like doing whole-body tapping at the end of a long and stressful day. It’s like beating the dust off an area rug. 

I’m new to hypnotherapy. Listening to it right before bed is exceptionally relaxing. There is something about consciously melting into your mattress while unconsciously being told affirmations that I find comforting and helpful. Below is the link to the audio ones that I listen to and the books that has really helped me understand the physical storing of anxiety.  

As for bible reading and praying, I’ve always done this. Having that quiet time at the beginning of my day while reading the Bible is a habit I will never abandon. In the mornings, if my mind is racing or my body is tense, I begin reciting the Lord’s Prayer over and over. Repeating this prayer or a verse from the Bible helps ground me and makes me feel truly connected to God, and reminds me that I am never alone. My favorite Bible verse that I’m ready to tattoo on my body is Romans 12:2 – “Do not conform to the ways of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. ” 

Finally, make sure you have a support circle. My support comes from family and friends, who don’t judge me, and they can be called/texted at any time of the day. I also have a therapist who gives me tools and is a prayer warrior. Here in Virginia, and I’m sure in other states, after COVID, it is challenging to find a therapist with an opening that isn’t six-eight months out. I turned to Better Help, an online therapy platform. All it took was filling out a questionnaire, and they matched med immediately to someone. We now meet online weekly, and I can join small group therapy. It’s been a great tool! If you are trying to find a therapist and cannot get in to see one, please consider Better Help. They are affordable and convenient; you can choose a video or phone call, all in the comfort of your home. And I know what it feels like to have agoraphobia during anxiety and panic, so having the comfort of not leaving your home is essential. My work family is also a part of my support circle. They check in with me, give me space, and ask permission to chat about work. On the days when I said, “no, I can’t talk about work right now because I have too much anxiety,” they understood and still reached out to say hi or send cute cat memes or pictures of their pets.  

I hope that giving you a glimpse and a list of resources in my toolbox is helpful. I know how living with anxiety and panic disorder can be debilitating at times. I am returning to work tomorrow, and it has taken me close to six weeks to say this without panicking. I have a “panic buddy” ready at work to help me when my body wants to freeze or run away. I don’t know if I will openly discuss this with my students. Some may find this blog and read it anyways, and if they have questions, I will be honest. My journey is not over; just my medical leave is over. And without ruminating about what “might be” or “could be” in the future, which is not real because it hasn’t happened yet, I am learning to be present, and I’m learning to be a defender of my mental and physical health, even if it means redefining my life.

If you don’t want to read this exceptionally long narrative, here is a quick list of resources that make up my toolbox (these are not affiliate links): 

Better Help

Body Tapping – there are many other videos but this is how I learned to body tap almost 20 years ago

Meditation

Understanding Anxiety and Hypnotherapy – book and audio downloads

Somatic Therapy

My favorite pens and pencils for writing

Columbia Sports (base layers for colder weather)

Let’s keep the dialogue going. If you are comfortable, please leave me your story and experience with anxiety/panic attacks. Remember, we heal in community, not in isolation. My mission is to help others openly discuss their anxiety/panic and talking openly and honestly is the first step. If you have tools that have helped you, please share. Like my motto, “writing is a life-long journey meant to be shared,” I can now confidently say the same about healing my anxiety ~ it may be a life-long journey, but I’m grateful I can share it with you and those around me.

Disclaimer: This is by no means therapy or professional advice. This blog series is my narrative, my journey, that I am sharing with you in hopes of encouraging you to begin healing your anxiety.
Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Feature Friday: Called To Create by Jordan Raynor

Welcome to Feature Friday – the last Friday of the month, when I chat about books on the craft of writing. Being a writer takes a great deal of confidence and honesty. We are continually seeking improvement. Whether we are looking to improve our skills or improve habits, it can feel like a never-ending journey. But as I always say, “Writing is a journey meant to be shared.”

To kick off the new year, I always start with reminding myself of why I’m on this writing journey. Why do I have such a pull to write fiction? Why do I become irritable and unbearable when I haven’t had much time to sit and create? Why do I subject myself to rejection? Why do I write?

For me, it’s a calling that God has placed on my heart. I’m not on this journey for stardom or with high expectations of being a New York Times Bestseller. I’m on this journey because God gave me this gift to write stories for children and young adults. He has also given me the gift of teaching, so I create journals to help other writers and creatives. You may or may not know this about me, but God is the center of my life. I grew up with strong, independent, faithful women in my life, and I am no different. But does having God at the center of it all make it easier for me to write? Nope! Do I wish God would magically fill the pages for me? Yes, please! But God doesn’t work that way. I work for Him, and I should fulfill His calling in my life.

As a fictional writer, I often struggle with whether or not what I’m writing or creating will please God. It’s a battle other Christian authors wrestle with too. We have the likes of C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien, whose stories have withstood the test of time with God deeply woven into their works without many realizing it. Today’s authors include Ted Decker and his daughter Rachel Decker and Lindsay Cummings – all fiction writers deeply rooted in their faith. So how does a creative person balance their faith with creating something for all, even those who are non-believers?

About a year or two ago, I learned about a book in the YouVersion Bible App titled, Called to Create by Jordan Raynor. I was in a writing slump and facing yet another year of not finishing anything that I began. I questioned why God would give me all these beautiful ideas if I couldn’t get any of them through the valley to the promised land or, in this case, to the promised page. I struggled with the biggest question that Jordan tackles in his book, “who am I writing this story for?” If you are anything like me and your entrepreneurial business or your writing or anything that requires divine creativeness feels sluggish, get this book. It shifts your mindset into realizing that God was the first creative. He is the first entrepreneur. He is the creator of all creatives. And if someone ever asks, “why do you write if it’s so hard?” After reading this book, your response will be apparent… “Following the call to create means that we no longer work to make a name for ourselves; we work for the glory of the One who has called us.” 

If you are struggling, get some quiet time to be alone with your thoughts or go for a walk and ask yourself why. Why do you write? Why do you want to write? Get to know your why, and everything else will fall into place after that. If you are struggling with a specific story or character, ask yourself or your character, why? Why are they on this journey? Why is this story important to tell? 

As I always say, “Writing is a journey meant to be shared.” 

What have you been called to create? I’d love to hear where you are on your writing journey. If there is a way for me to support you, please let me know!

Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching! Order your copy of Writers on Task (a task specific journal for writers) or my latest release, Scribbles and Squiggles (a doodling book to get your creativity flowing) today on Amazon!