Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Day 15

I quickly learned I needed more self-care as I wrapped up week two of my Summer of Love Series. Taking a hard look at my self-attacks is powerful, and all these emotional surrenders leave me vulnerable and emotionally drained, so tenderness is in order. This deep dive into myself, my actions, my choices, and my self-limiting beliefs require bravery. But sometimes bravery will leave you wanting nothing more than to curl up in a fetal position, cry, sleep, and turn off all the noise. While some of those actions, particularly turning off the noise and sleeping, are options, I want to replenish my spirit with intentional affirmations. 

Affirmation #1: I choose to love myself today. Choosing love over fear is 100% optional. What we say to ourselves unconsciously becomes what we consciously believe about ourselves. I have shrunken myself down for a decade, but now I choose to live in love. 

Affirmation #2: I will give myself a peaceful and consistent reminder that love and gratitude are within me. I have complete, unobstructed access to gratitude. I am grateful for my willingness to change my mindset. 

Affirmation #3: I am grateful to be in this process. As I rest in this mindset of love and gratitude, I will go slow and intentional in the fast-paced world around me. 

As I’ve been journaling and blogging my way through this series, I was compelled to share the following entry with you: I believe I am love. Everything in me and outside of me is love. I believe this, and I commit to this – I am love. 

Along the lines of breathing love back into my mindset, here are a few bible verses that have been showing up lately:

  • “Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” Corinthians 13:7
  • “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7
  • “Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” Colossians 3: 13

I will be back in another 5 days as I move deeper into love, gratitude, and forgiveness.

Thank you for being on this journey with me.

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Day 10

I am moving into week two of shifting my mindset and opening myself up to self-love. Opening up to self-love is not the same as becoming a narcissist. It’s simply opening up to self-forgiveness and letting go of the person I once was ~ a person full of fear and smallness.

If we want to become a more positive energy in this world, we must ditch self-defeating talk and thought patterns. A lack of self-love led me to isolate my God-given gift of writing from the world. It has made me a people pleaser, always caring for others while putting myself and my time at the bottom. Doing this for several years made me resentful. It exhausted me. It’s distracted me from my true calling in life. It made me small. So small that I could never believe that I deserved to dream big or feel I was worthy of big blessings in life ~ it was just a new form of that scarcity mindset. And now that I am facing turning 50, it’s time to reverse this trend. It’s time to learn to love myself as God has designed me.

To start reversing the adverse effects, I must take the next few days and begin the deep dive (again) into how this smallness has made me bypass opportunities, how this smallness has made me afraid to take risks, and how I allowed the scarcity mindset to keep me in this endless loop of stagnation.

I will specifically journal the following prompts while keeping in mind what the bible says about forgiveness: 

  • Where have I been limiting myself?  
  • What have I asked for and received? 
  • What have I received and squandered away?
  • What doors have I consciously shut? 
  • What opportunities have been presented to me that I wasn’t qualified, talented, or intelligent enough for? 
  • Am I willing to take responsibility for this scarcity mindset? 
  • Am I willing to take responsibility and ask God for forgiveness? 

Forgiveness restores broken relationships (Genesis 50:17). 

Forgiveness is a path to love (Luke 7:47). 

Forgiveness precedes healing (Luke 5:17-26). 

God tells us to forgive instead of seeking revenge or bearing a grudge (Leviticus 19:18).

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Days 6-9

I took a break from daily blogging to be present with family during my father’s internment at the Veteran’s Memorial Cemetery. The service was deeply emotional, from the music, the flag presentation to my mom, and the eulogies my sisters and I gave – a lot of emotion that day. 

For the first time in my life, I was unafraid to speak in front of people. There was a lot of family there but also multiple unfamiliar faces. My emotions were running high from the service, which made speaking feel next to impossible. My hands were shaking from holding the paper of my written narrative. Everyone was patient. Everyone understood that I had to pause numerous times to catch my breath, but I pushed through. The pain and sorrow mauled my words and chopped up my sentences, but if anything, I showed my authentic self in a vulnerable space. To me, that takes great courage. 

I wish anyone facing a hard time and showing up with their true vulnerable self on display to understand that we honor you for not hiding your emotions. Too often, we wear masks to hide the ugliness of perceived notions that crying or depression, or anxiety are traits of weakness—quite the opposite. Showing up despite the emotions that can pin you in bed or leave your feet firmly planted where you stand is a testament to your strength. Show up. Show up vulnerable. Show up maskless. We all need your bravery. 

In keeping with this series of overcoming my anxieties and shifting my mindset, there wasn’t a scarcity mindset to be found these last few days. All the love, the hugs, the words of comfort, and the reminder that that’s what family is for were abundant. An abundance of love surrounded me. 

My father’s eulogy will be posted on my social media pages in the upcoming days if you wish to read it. 

Choose love today! 

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Day 5

When fear drives your mindset, you fear upsetting those you love. You worry they will be angry, leave you, or think less of you. When you think about it, this is an unfair punishment. After all, if I can give others multiple opportunities to make right a wrong, why don’t I do that for myself? It’s hypocritical in that sense.

I’m also learning that not forgiving myself is at the root of that scarcity mindset because I tell myself that I am not worthy of forgiveness. I am not worthy of being afforded the chance to make up for a mistake. I am not good enough for someone to love me because of my mistakes. I have woven this scarcity mindset so deep into who I am; I have no one to blame but myself.

If I have no one to blame but myself, I am the only one that can forgive me. Therefore, for the next few days of this Summer of Love series, I am entering into a state of forgiving myself. I forgive myself for the scarcity mindset and for making myself small.

“…be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32).

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Day 4

My morning mindset: I begin my day with gratitude and release all fears of scarcity and stagnant energy. Focusing on gratitude is reconnecting me to love. God did not make me fearful. God made me in His image, and His image is love. 

As I continue being honest about my fears, I am taking each day to look for growth opportunities. After all, fear is an opportunity for growth. 

Making a generalized list of people and things I am grateful for has always felt incomplete, which could be one of the reasons why I stopped making lists; however, if you are a quick list person – great! It is a great daily habit if you only take a few minutes and list your x-amount of things/people you are thankful for, but right now, I am going deeper to rewire and rewrite my narrative. 

I used to be that positive person, the one who would always chime in with a positive outlook ~ that was me, and I was proud to be that person. I miss that version of me. When did I become pessimistic? I think it started with some undiagnosed depression and hormonal imbalances. I also remember many years passing by when I lacked purpose. I felt exhausted, always being “positive” or “cheerful,” and making a daily gratitude list was hard in those days. I eventually gave in to that defeat and stopped. 

Fast forward to today, this is what my list is shaping up to look like, and it’s working for me. It’s giving me that deep meaning that I’ve been craving: 

Fear: I am fearful that I will not be able to make it through my father’s eulogy without sobbing. 

Gratitude Response: I am honored to speak of my father’s love and legacy. My family loves me, and they, too, are grieving. Crying is a form of healing. 

Fear: I am not healthy. 

Gratitude Response: While I have work to do, I am grateful to have access to healthy foods and safe exercise trails. Restoring my health will take time and discipline ~ have patience. 

Fear: Money is scarce, and I do not handle it well/smartly. I was never good at math and did not understand investing. 

Gratitude Response: I haven’t always been great with money, but now I am learning about investments and working on disciplined spending. 

I feel more authentic making a list this way. I feel a little closer to my old pleasant self. Yes, I am only four into this 30-day journey, but each day is a new opportunity to grow in love. Try this method if making a quick bulleted list makes you feel less than complete. 

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Day 3

When I was a child, I used to think that when people argued in a restaurant, I would see a table flipped over with scattered food and drinks. It would be exciting. Not so exciting for those who would be left to clean up the mess, but it’s got me thinking about how dramatically the story changed once someone flipped that table. 

Similarly, I am flipping my fears to change my story dramatically. While in this process of inverting my mindset, I am going through a wide range of emotions. I have to constantly remind myself that I am not to confuse excitement with fear. My mind automatically defaults to fear, just like specific physical symptoms invoke anxiety and panic in me. It has taken me months of work to rewire my brain to know that those symptoms are nothing more than pent-up energy that needs to be released. 

In the same process, I am rewiring my brain and rewriting my narrative that when I have thoughts of scarcity, I will replace them with thoughts of abundance and love. 

I am also weaving gratitude into my abundance practice. I’ve kept journals of gratitude before, but they were on the surface level. I never entirely went deep for gratitude. So my list looked like this: I am grateful for waking up, my family, the person who helped me at school, my home, my parents, etc. Now that I am beginning to trust that gratitude is more substantial than fear, my list is changing.  

What I am grateful for this morning: 

I am grateful that the sunrise wakes me up warmly, softly, rather than a panic-inducing alarm.

I am grateful to have clean air to fill my lungs when breathing deeply.

I am grateful to be surrounded by my family’s love while writing my Father’s eulogy. 

I am grateful to have access to God’s word and presence daily. 

Today’s prayer: God, I release my scarcity mindset and anxious energy and replace it with love and gratitude for all the blessings you have given me. 

“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we eat? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and he will give you everything you need. So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” (Matthew 6: 31-24).

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Day 2

Day 1 of Summer Love was a hard dose of reality. Sharing my narrative of my fears made me feel vulnerable, but I know there is growth ahead. In these vulnerable moments, we must remind ourselves that we are still in control and have choices to make. Do I stay safe, which is essentially the same as staying unchanged? Or do I take steps to create a shift, even without knowing the result?

“You have made a path wide for my feet to keep them from slipping.” (Psalms 18:36 NLT)

So for today’s first step, I am reminding myself that I am willing to see love instead of fear. In my case, fear is scarcity. Therefore, I am willing to see love instead of scarcity. Let me rephrase that a bit further. I am willing to acknowledge the abundance around me instead of looking around me and only seeing scarcity.

Three statements I am reminding myself of on this day: 

  • I have an abundance of time while on summer break to write, walk, and restore my health.
  • I have family around me as I give my father’s eulogy later this week.
  • There’s an abundant amount of fresh veggies and fruit during this season which reminds me to eat healthy. 

As I allow myself to breathe into these statements and this mindset, I am beginning to feel peace.

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Day 1

Welcome to my Summer of Love short blog series, where I will uncover my fears and begin the transformation process of choosing love over fear. This is not a series on overcoming fears of roller coasters, swimming in the ocean, etc. though if that happens – yay! It’s more of a spiritual transformation that will require being in the presence of God, prayer and meditation, and forgiveness so that I may step out of this old way of living and realign my narrative with God’s purpose for my life. 

Day 1: Witnessing my fears. Fear is like water. It moves until it is obstructed or cut off at its source. Fear will seep into every aspect of life until it is cut off. How do we get to the source? First, by witnessing and paying attention to triggers and emotions that affect behaviors.

F – false

E – evidence

A – appearing

R- real

My fears stem from scarcity. Somewhere along the way, I bought into the narrative that there was never enough. Never enough: food, money, love, and attention. I needed to be more intelligent, talented, and disciplined to pursue my dreams. It has stopped me more times than I care to admit, but that’s why I’m here. 

As difficult as this is to write, I am fully committed to this transformation, so it’s time to be honest. I have allowed fear and this scarcity mindset to stop me from living a life God designed for me. Living outside of my purpose has kept me living small. 

Fear and this scarcity mindset have led me to take jobs that drain my energy. It’s the cause of my mindless shopping. It’s permitted me to eat poorly. It’s taught me to crumple up and hide my purpose like a child sneaking candy. It has kept me up at night. It has pushed my body to the breaking point. I have continually stamped down on the seed God planted in my heart. He knows this, and while I am ashamed of doing this to Him, I am grateful for his forgiveness and unconditional love. 

Stepping into God’s forgiveness has opened my eyes and heart to know and understand the source of my fears. It’s allowing me to admit how ugly it has made me feel, which is the first step in this transformation. So where do I go from here? 

I start my day by reading my bible and ensuring I keep Romans 12:2 at the forefront of my day. Romans 12:2 is the bible verse that brought me back to God about 9 years ago. It is committed to my memory, and when I stray too far off course for too long, it begins to pop up all around me. It’s the bumper sticker on the car in front of me. It’s the IG posts from Christian influencers. It’s the message of the weekly sermon. It’s a gentle reminder that it is time to get back in alignment with God’s word and His purpose for my life. 

In case you are unfamiliar, Romans 12:2 states, “Do not conform to the ways of the world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”   

It’s time (yet again) to step into my purpose and step out of doing what no longer serves my purpose in life. When we step out of fear’s grasp, we make space for God to guide us and lead us to creative ways of reaching our genuine selves and potential. 

Thank you for joining me on this journey. Today is Day 1, and I hope you will continue with me until Day 30. Until tomorrow, give your body, mind, and spirit some much-needed grace. 

I’d love to start a new conversation with you. Leave me a comment telling me which bible verse or a saying is closest to your heart.