Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Finale

As my Summer of Love series ends, I want to wrap things up as best as possible. Here is a high-level view of what I have learned along the way to changing my mindset:

  1. Stop waiting for an outside wish/miracle to change your mind: you need to eliminate the chaos in your mind. You must identify and bravely face the root of your mindset. Be honest! It’s scary to admit where we are lacking or going wrong; however, you must be brave and take on this challenge to heal.
  2. Stop believing you cannot control your thoughts. Do not let some external factor choose your thoughts. Social media. Family. Friends. News outlets. You have complete control. 
  3. Strengthen your mindset. This goes hand in hand with the previous point. What you feed your mindset with is essential. The only way to change your default and automatic thinking is by filling it with God’s truth, abundance, and positivity. 
  4. Separate what you believe from what you feel. Because emotions result from what we believe to be true, we must regularly remind ourselves of positive beliefs. Separating beliefs from emotions will help us eliminate the negative feelings that shape our mindsets. 
  5. W.A.I.T.: When you are pulled into conversations or find your ruminating thoughts defaulting to what you are trying to change, remember to “W.A.I.T.” Stop yourself from talking or thinking negatively and say to yourself, “Why am I talking?” When we pause, we allow our brains to quiet down, making room for creative solutions to problems or for positive and abundant thoughts. Resist those negative thoughts and assist positive ones. 
  6. Celebrate the small wins. Be thankful for the journey you are taking. There will be setbacks, but make them a momentary trip up. One way to celebrate the small wins is through love. Do not judge or attack ourselves or others. These small judgments are nothing more than powerful negative thoughts. When these judgments or negative thoughts come, offer forgiveness for having the thought and consciously say, “I choose love instead.” God made us in His image, and He is love. 
  7. Expect miracles. Choose to expect that something good is going to happen. It’s an act of faith. Do not let your imagination create a false narrative. Instead of constantly imagining or expecting things to go wrong or to be the worst, lean into God’s promises and have faith that something good is coming your way. Having positive thoughts at the forefront of your brain takes practice, but eventually, you will be filled with love, community, and grace. 

Here are a few verses to lean into on your mindset journey: 

Romans 15:13, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”

Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” 

2 Thessalonians 3:5, “May the Lord lead your hearts into a full understanding and expression of the love of God and the patient endurance that comes from Christ.”

2 Peter 1:2, “Grace and peace be yours in abundance.”

Thank you for joining me on this journey. I hope you took away some seeds of love from this series. Let’s connect through comments and support each other to grow in love. 

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Day 25

As we are nearing the end of the Summer of Love series, it is important to understand that when we cast judgments on ourselves or others, we remove our ability for love. Healing happens in a community, not in isolation. Yes, it’s important to be alone with your thoughts, and it’s important to quiet the chaos of our minds, but the company we keep is equally important. Suppose you are in a group that always focuses on the negative or, as in my case, shares in my lack/scarcity mentality. If I am constantly in that company, I block any chance of abundance and any possibility of a mindset shift because my conversations are feeding/fueling the scarcity/negativity. 

What is the best way to step back and not allow those unwanted thoughts or statements to dominate the forefront of our minds (aka our automatic response)? Use the W.A.I.T. method:

  • W – Why
  • A – am
  • I – I
  • T – talking? 

I first learned this method from Gabby Bernstein. Talking about your lack/scarcity fuels it, so use the “Why am I talking” prompt to stop you from feeding that lack mentality. When you stop talking, you allow creative solutions to come into play. You give abundance a chance to work its way into your life. 

This subtle shift reminds me that God did not give me a lack/scarcity mentality. It also serves as a reminder that the company we keep is important. In reality, we cannot always be around positive people, especially if the negative ones are family. So how does one go about creating a protective barrier around their mindset? We learn to tune out and replace and remember to W.A.I.T.  

I learned to tune things out as a mother. Most mothers will agree that there are moments when you are driving alone before you realize you are listening to your kid’s music rather than what you want. This is because we trained our minds to tune it out, especially when it’s on an endless repeat cycle the moment your car starts. Therefore, we must learn to tune out and replace the negative/scarcity mindset with positive, loving, and abundant thoughts. Have scripture or affirmations on repeat. Autoplaying God’s promises and your new narrative will tune out the negativity. So you can now become the calm body at the table who radiates peace and love. Eventually, the rewiring takes place and becomes the automatic response. 

I know we can do this! It will take lots of practice, but positivity and abundance will come.  

I will leave you with my most recent prayer: Dear God, I am aware of my financial scarcity mindset, and I confess this fear’s stronghold on my life. I’m willing to release it to you. Thank you for your guidance. You did not give me a spirit of fear. Heal me from this sabotage, awaken the love within me, and give me a spirit of abundance so that I may use my talents to help others and serve you. Amen.  

Give W.A.I.T. a shot, and let me know how it worked. 

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Day 15

I quickly learned I needed more self-care as I wrapped up week two of my Summer of Love Series. Taking a hard look at my self-attacks is powerful, and all these emotional surrenders leave me vulnerable and emotionally drained, so tenderness is in order. This deep dive into myself, my actions, my choices, and my self-limiting beliefs require bravery. But sometimes bravery will leave you wanting nothing more than to curl up in a fetal position, cry, sleep, and turn off all the noise. While some of those actions, particularly turning off the noise and sleeping, are options, I want to replenish my spirit with intentional affirmations. 

Affirmation #1: I choose to love myself today. Choosing love over fear is 100% optional. What we say to ourselves unconsciously becomes what we consciously believe about ourselves. I have shrunken myself down for a decade, but now I choose to live in love. 

Affirmation #2: I will give myself a peaceful and consistent reminder that love and gratitude are within me. I have complete, unobstructed access to gratitude. I am grateful for my willingness to change my mindset. 

Affirmation #3: I am grateful to be in this process. As I rest in this mindset of love and gratitude, I will go slow and intentional in the fast-paced world around me. 

As I’ve been journaling and blogging my way through this series, I was compelled to share the following entry with you: I believe I am love. Everything in me and outside of me is love. I believe this, and I commit to this – I am love. 

Along the lines of breathing love back into my mindset, here are a few bible verses that have been showing up lately:

  • “Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” Corinthians 13:7
  • “For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7
  • “Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” Colossians 3: 13

I will be back in another 5 days as I move deeper into love, gratitude, and forgiveness.

Thank you for being on this journey with me.

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Day 10

I am moving into week two of shifting my mindset and opening myself up to self-love. Opening up to self-love is not the same as becoming a narcissist. It’s simply opening up to self-forgiveness and letting go of the person I once was ~ a person full of fear and smallness.

If we want to become a more positive energy in this world, we must ditch self-defeating talk and thought patterns. A lack of self-love led me to isolate my God-given gift of writing from the world. It has made me a people pleaser, always caring for others while putting myself and my time at the bottom. Doing this for several years made me resentful. It exhausted me. It’s distracted me from my true calling in life. It made me small. So small that I could never believe that I deserved to dream big or feel I was worthy of big blessings in life ~ it was just a new form of that scarcity mindset. And now that I am facing turning 50, it’s time to reverse this trend. It’s time to learn to love myself as God has designed me.

To start reversing the adverse effects, I must take the next few days and begin the deep dive (again) into how this smallness has made me bypass opportunities, how this smallness has made me afraid to take risks, and how I allowed the scarcity mindset to keep me in this endless loop of stagnation.

I will specifically journal the following prompts while keeping in mind what the bible says about forgiveness: 

  • Where have I been limiting myself?  
  • What have I asked for and received? 
  • What have I received and squandered away?
  • What doors have I consciously shut? 
  • What opportunities have been presented to me that I wasn’t qualified, talented, or intelligent enough for? 
  • Am I willing to take responsibility for this scarcity mindset? 
  • Am I willing to take responsibility and ask God for forgiveness? 

Forgiveness restores broken relationships (Genesis 50:17). 

Forgiveness is a path to love (Luke 7:47). 

Forgiveness precedes healing (Luke 5:17-26). 

God tells us to forgive instead of seeking revenge or bearing a grudge (Leviticus 19:18).

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Days 6-9

I took a break from daily blogging to be present with family during my father’s internment at the Veteran’s Memorial Cemetery. The service was deeply emotional, from the music, the flag presentation to my mom, and the eulogies my sisters and I gave – a lot of emotion that day. 

For the first time in my life, I was unafraid to speak in front of people. There was a lot of family there but also multiple unfamiliar faces. My emotions were running high from the service, which made speaking feel next to impossible. My hands were shaking from holding the paper of my written narrative. Everyone was patient. Everyone understood that I had to pause numerous times to catch my breath, but I pushed through. The pain and sorrow mauled my words and chopped up my sentences, but if anything, I showed my authentic self in a vulnerable space. To me, that takes great courage. 

I wish anyone facing a hard time and showing up with their true vulnerable self on display to understand that we honor you for not hiding your emotions. Too often, we wear masks to hide the ugliness of perceived notions that crying or depression, or anxiety are traits of weakness—quite the opposite. Showing up despite the emotions that can pin you in bed or leave your feet firmly planted where you stand is a testament to your strength. Show up. Show up vulnerable. Show up maskless. We all need your bravery. 

In keeping with this series of overcoming my anxieties and shifting my mindset, there wasn’t a scarcity mindset to be found these last few days. All the love, the hugs, the words of comfort, and the reminder that that’s what family is for were abundant. An abundance of love surrounded me. 

My father’s eulogy will be posted on my social media pages in the upcoming days if you wish to read it. 

Choose love today! 

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Day 5

When fear drives your mindset, you fear upsetting those you love. You worry they will be angry, leave you, or think less of you. When you think about it, this is an unfair punishment. After all, if I can give others multiple opportunities to make right a wrong, why don’t I do that for myself? It’s hypocritical in that sense.

I’m also learning that not forgiving myself is at the root of that scarcity mindset because I tell myself that I am not worthy of forgiveness. I am not worthy of being afforded the chance to make up for a mistake. I am not good enough for someone to love me because of my mistakes. I have woven this scarcity mindset so deep into who I am; I have no one to blame but myself.

If I have no one to blame but myself, I am the only one that can forgive me. Therefore, for the next few days of this Summer of Love series, I am entering into a state of forgiving myself. I forgive myself for the scarcity mindset and for making myself small.

“…be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32).

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Day 2

Day 1 of Summer Love was a hard dose of reality. Sharing my narrative of my fears made me feel vulnerable, but I know there is growth ahead. In these vulnerable moments, we must remind ourselves that we are still in control and have choices to make. Do I stay safe, which is essentially the same as staying unchanged? Or do I take steps to create a shift, even without knowing the result?

“You have made a path wide for my feet to keep them from slipping.” (Psalms 18:36 NLT)

So for today’s first step, I am reminding myself that I am willing to see love instead of fear. In my case, fear is scarcity. Therefore, I am willing to see love instead of scarcity. Let me rephrase that a bit further. I am willing to acknowledge the abundance around me instead of looking around me and only seeing scarcity.

Three statements I am reminding myself of on this day: 

  • I have an abundance of time while on summer break to write, walk, and restore my health.
  • I have family around me as I give my father’s eulogy later this week.
  • There’s an abundant amount of fresh veggies and fruit during this season which reminds me to eat healthy. 

As I allow myself to breathe into these statements and this mindset, I am beginning to feel peace.