Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Cultivating Circles, Not Cages

According to my tagline, “Writing is a journey meant to be shared.” This tagline can be applied to all fields of creativity simply because creativity isn’t a solitary pursuit. Today, we are diving deep into how the company you keep can profoundly influence your ability to generate new ideas and realize your creative potential. As the saying goes, “If the people you surround yourself with aren’t inspiring you to create, you have a cage, not a circle.” This powerful insight emphasizes the importance of surrounding yourself with individuals who ignite your creativity rather than stifle it. 

The Power of a Creative Circle: Your circle should be a dynamic ecosystem where ideas flourish. Whether you’re an artist, entrepreneur, writer, or innovator, the people around you can be your most valuable asset. When surrounded by individuals who share your passion for creation, you’re more likely to push boundaries, explore new ideas, and pursue your creative vision with vigor.

Benefits of an Inspiring Circle:

  1. Mutual Motivation: An inspiring circle provides a constant source of motivation. When you see your peers achieving their goals, it fuels your desire to accomplish your own. It’s perfectly natural to feel a twinge of jealousy; it shows you what you want in life. Action step: Keep track of these feelings and use them to keep you pressing toward your goals.   
  2. Diverse Perspectives: A circle of creative individuals brings varied perspectives and skills. This diversity can lead to unexpected collaborations and breakthroughs. Make sure you are not staying just in your niche. Branching out and inviting people from other sectors like marketing, SEO, or finance can widen your network. Action step: Keep an updated contact list, and in the “notes” section of their contact, be sure to write down their specialty and ways you can learn from them.
  3. Supportive Feedback: Constructive criticism from trusted peers can be invaluable. It helps you refine your ideas and develop your craft. Targeted feedback fosters growth. Action step: highlight strengths and areas that need development. Connect with our contacts to see how they can help you continuously learn.

Seek a Mentor: Having a mentor can offer a deeper level of guidance. A mentor can provide invaluable insights, experiences, and advice to propel your creative journey. Here’s how to ask someone to be your mentor:

  1. Research and Identify: Look for individuals whose work and values align with your goals. Research their background and understand how their experiences can benefit you.
  2. Craft a Thoughtful Request: Reach out with an authentic and well-thought-out message. Please explain why you admire their work, how their guidance could benefit you, and what areas you need help with.
  3. Show Respect and Gratitude: Respect their time and express genuine appreciation for any guidance they offer. Their response might provide valuable insights or lead to other opportunities even if they decline.
  4. Be Specific: Instead of asking for a broad mentorship, request specific advice or feedback on a project. This shows that you’ve done your homework and value their time.

If you feel your circle is strong and diverse enough and you are well-respected in your field, consider being a mentor to someone beginning their journey.

Surround yourself with individuals who elevate your thinking, challenge your ideas, and support your growth. If you have the experience and passion to guide others, consider becoming a mentor yourself. Share your wisdom and help others navigate their creative paths ~ this is how we build circles, not cages. 

Up next: I’m off next week for some much needed rejuvenation now that the stress of the school year is over. I’ll be back shortly after July 4th.

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Navigating Grief

Where have I been?

Since around Christmas time, I felt myself slipping into a deep rut of grief. As we rang in the New Year, my family suffered yet another loss – this time, it was my father-in-law. To say I was angry would be an understatement. I couldn’t take yet another loss of someone I truly loved and continued asking God, why? Why so many, so quickly? All these deaths were happening too fast. In the last year, I lost two Great Aunts who were a cornerstone in my childhood. Then, the unexpected loss of my father. Next was the loss of my father-in-law, whom I had known since I was 16. And of recent, my dear Uncle. Again, this is another family member who was the solid foundation of my childhood. With all these hits to my foundation, I feel the ground under me has turned to sand.

What makes navigating so much loss difficult is how life goes on.

Denise Hartzler

As a teacher, we have to play the part of positivity and strength. Teaching has been a mere distraction during this shift these last few months and has left me spent. I am slowly pulling myself out of the pit of exhaustion and sorrow. I have found comfort in reading the Bible every day, my husband (who is grieving too), our son’s hockey matches and lacrosse games, and surrounding myself with my mom and sisters, along with a few close friends. I have also turned back to therapy. Here is what I have covered with my therapist thus far…

Embracing Your Emotions

“When faced with grief, it’s important to allow yourself to feel and process your emotions,” said my therapist. I struggle to allow myself to feel emotions because processing emotions becomes difficult at work. The sadness, anger, guilt, or confusion hits you when you least expect it. It’s like a tidal wave of emotions, and you have two options: embrace it and let it pour out, or delay it by hiding it and letting it go later. The former is the ideal, but in reality, the latter wins out. My therapist has tried reassuring me that it’s okay to grieve in my way and at my own pace, yet finding peace has eluded me.

Finding Support and Connection

During grief, seeking support and connection with others who can offer comfort and understanding is essential. Reach out to friends, family members, or support groups who can provide a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on, and a sense of community during your darkest moments. Remember, you are not alone in your pain.

Seeking Spiritual Guidance

For many, including myself, finding solace in spiritual beliefs and practices can offer a sense of comfort and healing during times of grief. Turning to biblical verses on healing and ways to be comforted has provided strength and reassurance amid life’s challenges. I often remind myself of Psalm 34:18, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Practicing Self-Care

My therapist reminds me often that taking care of myself physically, emotionally, and spiritually is essential when navigating grief (as well as anxiety and depression). While she acknowledges that the following sounds cliche, she stresses its importance because we often lose sight of such healthy practices: 

  • Engage in activities that bring you joy and peace, such as journaling, long walks, prayer, exercise, or spending time in nature.
  • Nourish the physical body with healthy foods and make rest and relaxation a priority.
  • Be gentle with yourself as you move through the healing process (again, challenging for me).

Finding Meaning and Purpose

While this grief feels overwhelming and all-consuming, I am learning that it can also be a catalyst for personal growth and transformation. I find myself reflecting on the values instilled in me by each of my relatives and the legacy I wish to leave. I am hopeful that finding meaning and purpose in grief will result in the renewal of hope and resilience.

By embracing emotions, seeking support, finding comfort in spiritual guidance, practicing self-care, and finding meaning in pain, I can navigate through grief with grace. I must remember I am stronger with God, family, and friends.

“Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” ~ Isaiah 41:10

Personal note: I am forever thankful to my therapist at BetterHelp Online Counseling who has been guiding me through anxiety, panic attacks, depression, menopause, and now grief. The match of my values and needs with a licensed professional therapist was impeccable.

Legal: This article/blogpost is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional, diagnosis, or treatment. Readers/Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions.

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Finding Peace, Calmness, and Stillness at Christmas: A Path to Deepening Our Connection with God

Christmas is a special time of year for so many and for so many reasons. Though I’m slowly getting into the Christmas spirit, I have to admit, this year is a very slow start, almost like wading through the sludgy part of the ocean. I’m not good at putting on an act of pretending to be happy because I show my emotions ninety percent of the time. I am also transforming my scarcity mindset, so all the spending is putting me through a challenging test. And I miss my dad. My whole family is coming together to my house this year to be together and to be there for my mom. I’m truly excited to have her here for two weeks and watch her bake with my son and share stories – something we missed out on because of distance and my father’s last years battling health issues. So, yeah, it’s a slow start feeling joyful this Advent season, which is why I’m turning to my writing. Writing is my God-given purpose in life. This I know. Writing is also my way of processing emotions and thoughts in order to find peace, calmness, and stillness, especially at Christmastime. In this blog post, I am exploring five practical ways to find tranquility during the Christmas season while nurturing my spiritual journey.

  • Embrace the Simplicity: In a world driven by consumerism, it’s crucial to embrace simplicity during the Christmas season. Instead of getting caught up in the frenzy of materialistic desires, focus on the true meaning of Christmas. Take a step back, reflect on the birth of Jesus, and let go of the pressure to buy extravagant gifts or host lavish parties. By simplifying our celebrations, we create space for stillness and allow ourselves to be more present in the moment.
  • Practice Mindfulness: Amidst the chaos, practicing mindfulness can help us find peace and calmness. Mindfulness involves being fully present in the moment, observing our thoughts and emotions without judgment. Take a few moments each day to sit in silence, focusing on your breath and grounding yourself in the present. This practice not only helps to reduce stress but also opens up a channel for a deeper connection with God.
  • Engage in Spiritual Practices: Christmas is an ideal time to engage in spiritual practices that bring us closer to God. Whether it’s attending church services, taking part in prayer groups, or reading sacred texts, these practices provide a sense of peace and tranquility. Set aside dedicated time each day to connect with your spirituality, allowing yourself to be still and listen to the whispers of the divine.
  • Connect with Nature: Nature has a way of grounding us and reminding us of the beauty and serenity that exists beyond the chaos of our daily lives. Take a walk in the crisp winter air, marvel at the snow-covered landscapes, take an evening stroll admiring all the neighbor’s light displays, or simply sit in a park and observe the wonders of creation. Connecting with nature not only brings a sense of calmness, but it also helps us appreciate the magnificence of God’s creation.
  • Prioritize Self-Care: Purposefully taking time to nurture your physical, mental, and emotional well-being amidst the busyness of the holiday season is essential for our self-care. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as taking a warm bath, practicing yoga, or reading a book by the warm glow of your Christmas tree. By taking care of ourselves, we create a foundation of peace and stillness that allows us to be more receptive to God’s presence.

During the Christmas chaos, finding peace, calmness, and stillness is not only possible but essential for deepening our connection with God. By embracing simplicity, practicing mindfulness, engaging in spiritual practices, connecting with nature, and prioritizing self-care, we can carve out moments of tranquility and invite the divine into our lives. This Christmas, let us remember that the greatest gift we can give ourselves and others is the gift of inner peace and a closer relationship with God.

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Motivational Writing Tips

Helping struggling authors find motivation and develop a positive mindset is incredibly valuable in my calling. Writing can be a challenging journey, and it’s a journey that is worth taking. Having the right attitude will significantly affect one’s productivity and overall satisfaction with the writing process. 

In the first part of this three-part series, I will guide you through the first four of twelve tips to help you get in the right mindset to reignite your passion for writing. After all, winter is (eventually) coming, and as the kiddos return to school, it’s an excellent time to make sure you find a routine and get in a positive mindset to do what you do best: write. 

  1. Set Clear Goals: I encourage you to set clear and achievable writing goals. Specific targets, such as a certain number of words, pages, or time, can give writers a sense of purpose and accomplishment. I personally set a word count goal. Since I am limited by time, my word count and page count can vary daily. 
  2. Celebrate Writing Wins: Allow yourself to celebrate even small victories. Completing a chapter, hitting a word count milestone, or receiving positive feedback from beta readers can all be reasons to celebrate. Don’t underestimate progress – progress over perfection. 
  3. Embrace Imperfection: Perfectionism is a creativity killer; it is nothing more than fear masking itself. I encourage you to embrace imperfections and view writing as a process of growth rather than striving for flawlessness. As we make strides toward our goals, fear may arise. Fear of being an imposter, flawed, or writing something unworthy of reading. DO NOT let fear stop you. If you missed my Summer of Love series, read what I wrote about the acronym FEAR – false evidence appearing real. Don’t listen to your fears when writing. Every writer writes a shitty first draft, and there is no exception to this fact, so embrace the imperfection. 
  4. Create a Supportive Environment: Create a comfortable and inspiring writing space. Surrounding yourself with things that spark creativity and positivity can significantly change your mindset. Your writing space can be a small room or just a comfy corner in a quiet room. Every writer deserves to find a comfortable space where they can create. If you can avoid distractions, even better. If not, grab yourself some noise-canceling headphones. When I am not in my creative space, I have a shawl or a specific hoodie that I often wrap myself up in, thus creating my supportive, creative environment. 

In next week’s post, I’ll discuss four more motivational writing tips to help you develop a positive writing mindset. 

As always, let’s continue the conversation. Leave a comment, question, or a positive quote that will inspire this community of writers.

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

A father’s love is forever

Three months ago, I lost my father. This three-month mark is hitting hard for some reason. I don’t overthink it and ask why. I sit with the loss. I cry when I need to release my emotions. I journal about all the memories that flood my mind. I also journal about conflicted feelings of wasted time by not asking him more about his life. I talk with my father in the quiet moments of the day, telling him how much I miss him. I know he is in heaven watching over us and has us covered in his love, but I miss him a lot. I’m sharing the eulogy I wrote for my father to remind myself that his life was complete, even if I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. 

They say that a man occupies his daughter’s life up until the day she is married. While there is some truth to that statement, luckily for my sisters and me and along with our families, our dad didn’t nearly occupy a space in our lives; his presence and all that he taught us in life is forever woven into who we are and thus handed down into who our children are becoming. 

When someone you love so dearly passes, your memories are scattered as if you dropped a jar of sand, and the granules spread far and wide. Some memories are more easily grasped, while some require more precision to hold on to. Some are only seen when the light makes them sparkle. And then some memories are sprinkled into your hands by others sharing in the pain of loss. 

Everyone here has memories of my dad, and I am thankful for those who shared them with me. If I made a list of all the memories, we’d be here for quite some time, so I’ll share this…my dad was a good man. He never judged any one of his kids’ mistakes. He was firm, lovable, competitive, and protective. His love was unconditional, and I am forever grateful to have been in his life. 

I’m not sure what he would want me to share with you, and while I can share a lifetime of the sweetest memories I have of him, I’ll start with the “infamous” bowling bet we made. I was around eight years old, and he told me that if I bowled a high score and won my tournament, he’d buy me a new ball. Well, that day, not only did I win, but I also bowled a 178. It was a maroon sparkle ball with Denise engraved in gold, and it was all my own – I finally had something that wasn’t a hand-me-down!

Another memory was that of my wedding day and dance. He was proud that I was marrying Chris, but he also reassured me that he would be there should I have any doubts about going through with the wedding. He also reminded Chris at the altar that he knew “where he lived.” Later that evening, the lyrics to a Billy Joel song led our steps. Who could ever imagine words being a perfect fit for two ordinary people, “Don’t go changing to try and please me, You never let me down before, I would not leave you in times of trouble, I said, “I love you,” that’s forever, I love you just the way you are.” And it’s those lyrics that have a more significant meaning than ever before.

Then came the memories of my son with my dad. One such visit was when my dad lifted Ryan to touch a plane in the Air and Space Museum. Luckily it didn’t get us kicked out, but Ryan, I want you to know that your grandfather will always lift you up when you need it most. 

We knew his passing would come, but we could never have imagined how deep this loss feels. The weekend before his passing, the five of us were on Skype. I’ve found some small comfort in telling myself that maybe having us all together, even if it was online, made him realize that his life was complete. On the day we said our final goodbye, my mom and her girls gathered together again, just like we did over 40 years ago on the day they married. Even though it’s been 43 years, being together like that once again made me feel like that small, vulnerable little girl who was forever changed and forever proud to be a Kinney girl. 

I hope you are playing piano and chess.

You will never be forgotten.

Thank you for loving us. 

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Finale

As my Summer of Love series ends, I want to wrap things up as best as possible. Here is a high-level view of what I have learned along the way to changing my mindset:

  1. Stop waiting for an outside wish/miracle to change your mind: you need to eliminate the chaos in your mind. You must identify and bravely face the root of your mindset. Be honest! It’s scary to admit where we are lacking or going wrong; however, you must be brave and take on this challenge to heal.
  2. Stop believing you cannot control your thoughts. Do not let some external factor choose your thoughts. Social media. Family. Friends. News outlets. You have complete control. 
  3. Strengthen your mindset. This goes hand in hand with the previous point. What you feed your mindset with is essential. The only way to change your default and automatic thinking is by filling it with God’s truth, abundance, and positivity. 
  4. Separate what you believe from what you feel. Because emotions result from what we believe to be true, we must regularly remind ourselves of positive beliefs. Separating beliefs from emotions will help us eliminate the negative feelings that shape our mindsets. 
  5. W.A.I.T.: When you are pulled into conversations or find your ruminating thoughts defaulting to what you are trying to change, remember to “W.A.I.T.” Stop yourself from talking or thinking negatively and say to yourself, “Why am I talking?” When we pause, we allow our brains to quiet down, making room for creative solutions to problems or for positive and abundant thoughts. Resist those negative thoughts and assist positive ones. 
  6. Celebrate the small wins. Be thankful for the journey you are taking. There will be setbacks, but make them a momentary trip up. One way to celebrate the small wins is through love. Do not judge or attack ourselves or others. These small judgments are nothing more than powerful negative thoughts. When these judgments or negative thoughts come, offer forgiveness for having the thought and consciously say, “I choose love instead.” God made us in His image, and He is love. 
  7. Expect miracles. Choose to expect that something good is going to happen. It’s an act of faith. Do not let your imagination create a false narrative. Instead of constantly imagining or expecting things to go wrong or to be the worst, lean into God’s promises and have faith that something good is coming your way. Having positive thoughts at the forefront of your brain takes practice, but eventually, you will be filled with love, community, and grace. 

Here are a few verses to lean into on your mindset journey: 

Romans 15:13, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”

Proverbs 3:5-6, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” 

2 Thessalonians 3:5, “May the Lord lead your hearts into a full understanding and expression of the love of God and the patient endurance that comes from Christ.”

2 Peter 1:2, “Grace and peace be yours in abundance.”

Thank you for joining me on this journey. I hope you took away some seeds of love from this series. Let’s connect through comments and support each other to grow in love. 

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Days 6-9

I took a break from daily blogging to be present with family during my father’s internment at the Veteran’s Memorial Cemetery. The service was deeply emotional, from the music, the flag presentation to my mom, and the eulogies my sisters and I gave – a lot of emotion that day. 

For the first time in my life, I was unafraid to speak in front of people. There was a lot of family there but also multiple unfamiliar faces. My emotions were running high from the service, which made speaking feel next to impossible. My hands were shaking from holding the paper of my written narrative. Everyone was patient. Everyone understood that I had to pause numerous times to catch my breath, but I pushed through. The pain and sorrow mauled my words and chopped up my sentences, but if anything, I showed my authentic self in a vulnerable space. To me, that takes great courage. 

I wish anyone facing a hard time and showing up with their true vulnerable self on display to understand that we honor you for not hiding your emotions. Too often, we wear masks to hide the ugliness of perceived notions that crying or depression, or anxiety are traits of weakness—quite the opposite. Showing up despite the emotions that can pin you in bed or leave your feet firmly planted where you stand is a testament to your strength. Show up. Show up vulnerable. Show up maskless. We all need your bravery. 

In keeping with this series of overcoming my anxieties and shifting my mindset, there wasn’t a scarcity mindset to be found these last few days. All the love, the hugs, the words of comfort, and the reminder that that’s what family is for were abundant. An abundance of love surrounded me. 

My father’s eulogy will be posted on my social media pages in the upcoming days if you wish to read it. 

Choose love today! 

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Day 5

When fear drives your mindset, you fear upsetting those you love. You worry they will be angry, leave you, or think less of you. When you think about it, this is an unfair punishment. After all, if I can give others multiple opportunities to make right a wrong, why don’t I do that for myself? It’s hypocritical in that sense.

I’m also learning that not forgiving myself is at the root of that scarcity mindset because I tell myself that I am not worthy of forgiveness. I am not worthy of being afforded the chance to make up for a mistake. I am not good enough for someone to love me because of my mistakes. I have woven this scarcity mindset so deep into who I am; I have no one to blame but myself.

If I have no one to blame but myself, I am the only one that can forgive me. Therefore, for the next few days of this Summer of Love series, I am entering into a state of forgiving myself. I forgive myself for the scarcity mindset and for making myself small.

“…be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32).

Posted on by Denise Hartzler

Summer of Love Series: Day 4

My morning mindset: I begin my day with gratitude and release all fears of scarcity and stagnant energy. Focusing on gratitude is reconnecting me to love. God did not make me fearful. God made me in His image, and His image is love. 

As I continue being honest about my fears, I am taking each day to look for growth opportunities. After all, fear is an opportunity for growth. 

Making a generalized list of people and things I am grateful for has always felt incomplete, which could be one of the reasons why I stopped making lists; however, if you are a quick list person – great! It is a great daily habit if you only take a few minutes and list your x-amount of things/people you are thankful for, but right now, I am going deeper to rewire and rewrite my narrative. 

I used to be that positive person, the one who would always chime in with a positive outlook ~ that was me, and I was proud to be that person. I miss that version of me. When did I become pessimistic? I think it started with some undiagnosed depression and hormonal imbalances. I also remember many years passing by when I lacked purpose. I felt exhausted, always being “positive” or “cheerful,” and making a daily gratitude list was hard in those days. I eventually gave in to that defeat and stopped. 

Fast forward to today, this is what my list is shaping up to look like, and it’s working for me. It’s giving me that deep meaning that I’ve been craving: 

Fear: I am fearful that I will not be able to make it through my father’s eulogy without sobbing. 

Gratitude Response: I am honored to speak of my father’s love and legacy. My family loves me, and they, too, are grieving. Crying is a form of healing. 

Fear: I am not healthy. 

Gratitude Response: While I have work to do, I am grateful to have access to healthy foods and safe exercise trails. Restoring my health will take time and discipline ~ have patience. 

Fear: Money is scarce, and I do not handle it well/smartly. I was never good at math and did not understand investing. 

Gratitude Response: I haven’t always been great with money, but now I am learning about investments and working on disciplined spending. 

I feel more authentic making a list this way. I feel a little closer to my old pleasant self. Yes, I am only four into this 30-day journey, but each day is a new opportunity to grow in love. Try this method if making a quick bulleted list makes you feel less than complete.